A snowball’s chance in hell? Pretty good, actually.
So. It has been snowing here, much like the rest of the country, and that is just fine. It has also been cold. How cold is it, you ask? Well, because of below-zero temperatures and -30 to -40 degree windchills, you now need your full body weight combined with a few hip checks to push open our gate; our garage door needs manual assistance while both opening AND closing; the same garage door froze to the ground (requiring the pouring of about seven hot water-filled pitchers and a liberal seasoning of rock salt to unstick); Jason’s truck tires froze to the garage floor, and we were about to perform snow removal from our driveway for the fifth time before the official start of “winter,” when our snow blower refused to start, possibly because it was too cold out. Happy holidays!
The non-startedness of the snow blower meant we had to shovel, which is fine normally, but despite the fact that I was wearing TWO shirts, TWO pairs of pants, TWO pairs of socks, TWO pairs of mittens, a ski mask, a scarf, a giant winter coat AND heavy-duty snow boots, I was still freezing my giblets off. And the snow was no longer the light fluffy stuff I can easily shovel off the driveway. Instead it was frozen, chunky, heavy and a royal pain. And even though I was extra careful to not convey my non-happiness at being outside slowly freezing to death, Jason must’ve read my mind because he kept telling me I didn’t have to shovel because he knew how much I hated it. To which I said, “Why would I WANT to shovel?”
Honestly, I do hate shoveling. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do it and leave it all to Jason. I’m going to do it as fast as I can so I can get back inside, and if I have to curse once or 50 times because I’ve tomahawked the same ice chunk to no avail, that’s life, right? The mailman doesn’t really need a clear path to the mailbox; he can scale the hill surrounding it and pretend he’s climbing Mt. Everest for all I care.
I know there are people who claim they love winter, but they don’t really love winter, they just love the IDEA of winter. They’re thinking of ice skating wearing just a sweater and a scarf; they’re not thinking about losing the feeling in your fingers after spending a mere three minutes outside. They’re thinking of drinking a hot mug of steaming cocoa in front of the fireplace while woodland creatures decorate a tree outside; they’re not thinking about your car’s engine taking a good long minute to decide if it’s going to slowly turn over or not. They’re talking about sledding down a small hill while fat snowflakes flutter prettily to the ground; they’re not talking about how you have to push snow off your roof because it’s so heavy it might cause the roof to collapse. They’re talking about a movie winter, Hollywood style. They’re not talking about how Californians would die if they spent six minutes outside in real-life winter.
Anyway, you know what I want to talk about? How we need to be magically relocated to Hawaii. And also, that we wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
How about some pictures?
The boys playing outside. Shorty loves kangarooing through the snow – until he gets an ice ball in between his toes, then he limps pathetically over to one of us so we can remove it.
Demanding to be let in. If we’re not fast enough, he will either 1) paw at the window or 2) lick it. (Check out the Vikings collar and tag Jason bought him. Hee!)
Showing off his early Christmas present, which he has already destroyed. This dog is ridiculously spoiled. I’m sure the cats would object if they weren’t too busy sleeping 23 hours of the day and being fed treats made with better ingredients that what we eat.
Lastly, how about a video?
Enjoy us and the pets dancing, country-style.
You can make your own video at Elf Yourself.
Have a great holiday you guys! Go light on the eggnog and heavy on the Christmas treats!
S & J
