Wow, it’s been awhile since I’ve been here. Lucky for you, I am full of weather-related rage (I gave myself a Shoveling Blister yesterday removing what the weatherman referred to as “cement from the sky”), so let’s release the hounds, shall we?
At work, I’ve been hearing a few phrases more and more that irritate the everloving hell out of me. Please tell me you’ve heard this one before, because I hear it nearly every day, and it makes me feel instantly annoyed: How’s your bandwidth?
The first time I was asked this, (Shauna, how’s your bandwidth?) I proceeded to completely embarrass myself by saying, “What? You mean on my computer?” I had absolutely no idea — none whatsoever — that “How’s your bandwidth?” = “How busy are you?” And now that all of the writers here are completely stretched to our limits, I know this inane question is going to precede some asinine deadline and cause my blood pressure to spike. (Side note: I had my blood pressure tested at work Tuesday, immediately after three hours of stressful, last-minute projects announced by red exclamation-pointed emails, so my blood pressure was spectacularly high. Like, epic-fail high. Note to self: NEVER EVER EVER get my blood pressure tested at work. EVER.)
The other thing that I’ve been hearing more and more of lately is, “I’ve got a hard stop.” It’s said during meetings that are about to run long: “Sorry, but I’ve got a hard stop at 3:00.” It means the person has to leave right then because they have another meeting. I find the phrase supremely annoying in a corporate-speak way, but the good news is that whenever someone says it, the meeting abruptly adjourns and EVERYONE leaves, even if we’re not actually done. I love that.
Today, I’m in meetings from 1:00 to 5:00 (least-favorite thing: afternoon meetings on Fridays) so you can bet as soon as the clock says 5:00, I’m going to be the first person to pop up and say, “I’ve gotta go. I’ve got a hard stop at 5:00.” Because I have a meeting immediately afterwards with my husband, the couch and some pork chops.