1. Get in the Christmas spirit when work is totally insane and sales people can’t remember that 70% of the staff will be missing next week when they make ridiculous deadline promises to clients.
2. [redacted]
3. Get her bangs to cooperate so that she looks more “cute and sassy” and less “slacker marijuana user.”
4. Get up early to exercise, even after watching “The Biggest Loser” finale last night and seeing how some contestants got up at 4 a.m. to exercise.
5. Figure out how to move the driver’s seat forward in her 2008 Mercury Mariner rental car; a rental car that only needed to be procured after she went to pick up Jason’s car from the mechanic and was told that after finding nothing wrong with the vehicle, they accidentally punctured the oil pan.
6. Remember the name of that delicious white chocolate-filled-with-white-pudding-concoction that someone left in the kitchen last week.
7. Schedule any kind of fun lunch and/or after-work appointment due to the client from hell; a client she will actually avoid doing business with FOREVER because of their asinine-ness. (Other clients banned forever: DHL, Wells Fargo.)
8. Stop having dreams about giving birth to baby girls.
9. Figure out why her new black shoes are making a weird, and extremely loud, clicking noise.
10. Refrain from going longer than 3 minutes without applying not one, but two types of chapstick. Chapstick which is not working AT ALL.
1. Keep from rolling her eyes when someone says “convo” for “conversation.”
2. Resist trying to pet the rabbits that hang out in the yard every morning.
3. Take a shower without fearing an attack from house centipedes.
4. Refrain from petting Abby’s pooch even though it’s been made painfully clear that behavior is not condoned.
5. Stop drinking soda – ever.
6. Speed along Hwy. 12 near Benson without getting pulled over.
7. Forgive CBS for screwing over “The King of Queens.”
8. Keep from laughing about the fact that her cousin now has to deal with Randy Moss on his favorite team.
9. Swallow her quarter-sized vitamin every morning without gagging.
10. Change the channel from “Scarred” even though it turns her stomach.
1. Help herself from feeling sorry for Tony Romo.
2. Refer to Tony Romo by only his first name.
3. Keep herself from wanting to punch Jason in the head when he tickles her.
4. Remember not to crack her head on the vanity every morning when she turns her head upside down to dry her hair.
5. Pretend to be happy when interrupted during her lunch hour.
6. Visit the pets for adoption at PetSmart without experiencing “something in her eye.”
7. Remove dead fish from the fishtank without imagining them coming to life at key tank-removal moments (i.e., when fish is mere inches from her face).
8. Go longer than 28 minutes without applying chapstick.
9. Be happy about performing cardio.
10. Keep herself from doodling poorly drawn flowers while talking on the phone.
1. Watch less than 5 hours of wrestling on 3 separate programs on any given week.
2. Sleep in past 5:45AM on weekends.
3. Not pet the kitties every time I walk past them.
4. Eat just one chip.
5. Drive the speed limit.
6. Understand why anyone would pay “that” much money for a Playstation 3.
7. Watch United 93 without getting angry or crying.
8. Beat Shauna a second time on our new foosball table.
9. Care if the Vikings win this weekend. Only hope that Torry Holt runs up the score on them, helping my fantasy team into first place.
10. Wait for the Twins season. (Just over 4 months!)
