Pickles & Dimes

We’ll be working on Jason’s version of a children’s story probably sometime this weekend. It’s hilarious, so keep your eyes peeled.

In the meantime, the following happened to me yesterday and practically begged to be presented in this format. Previous entries can be found here.

“YAY! IT IS FINALLY TIME TO GO HOME,” says the work clock.

“BRRR. IT IS MINUS FIVE DEGREES OUTSIDE,” says the bank thermometer outside of work.

“HA. YOU THOUGHT I WOULD TURN GREEN, DIDN’T YOU?” says the crosswalk light.

“HI,” says Shauna’s car doors. “UM…WE CANNOT OPEN. WE’RE FROZEN, ACTUALLY.”

(more…)

Volume One is here.

“HEY,” says the front yard. “I HAVE ANOTHER GOPHER HOLE IN ME.”

“LET’S DROWN THE GOPHER!” says the garden hose.

“YOU SHOULD MAYBE HAVE CHANGED BEFORE DOING THIS,” says Shauna’s soggy and muddy dress shoe.

“HEY – IT REALLY SMELLS LIKE SKUNK ALL OF A SUDDEN,” says Shauna’s nose.

“SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED ME!” says Shauna’s leg.

“AIIIIIIEEEE!” says Shauna’s lungs.

“OH, SORRY. THAT WAS ME,” says the garden hose.

“YOU’RE A BASTARD,” says Shauna’s heart.

(more…)

A summary of my week, presented in children’s book format:

“BEEP, BEEP, BEEP,” says the alarm clock.

“HORK,” says the kitty.

“CHUG-A-CHUG-A-CHUG,” says the car in front of Shauna, which is going MUCH slower than the law allows.

“RING RING,” says the work phone.

“HELP. EMERGENCY. NOW,” says the client.

“RING, RING,” says the work phone – again.

“MRS. X IS ON VACATION. YOU NEED TO DO ALL HER WORK,” says the coworker.

“RING, RING,” says the work phone. The work phone isn’t very nice. We don’t like the work phone.

(more…)