Pickles & Dimes

Shauna: [sound asleep]

Jason: ZZZZZZZZZ.

Shauna: [feels Jason's hand patting her on the head]

Jason: ZZZZZZZZZ.

Shauna: What are you doing?

Jason: [still patting Shauna's head, only HARDER] ZZZZZZZZZZ.

Shauna: Ow! Knock it off!

Jason: [is now smacking Shauna's head very, very hard] ZZZZZZZZZ.

Shauna: Jason! Cut it out!

Jason, awake: What’s your deal?

Shauna: My deal is that you were clubbing me on the head.

Jason: Why’d you wake me up?

Shauna: So you would stop.

Jason: Your talking woke me up!

Shauna: ARGH.

Jason: So I wasn’t petting the dog then?

Shauna: NO.

Jason: ZZZZZZZZZ.

Shauna: [wide awake]

Very early this morning:

Jason: mumblemumble [SWEAR WORD].

Shauna: Shhhhhhh.

Jason: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shauna: Be quiet!

Jason: And then mumblemumblemumble [SWEAR WORD].

Shauna: Jason, shut UP.

Jason: Hee hee hee hee!

Shauna: Argh, wake UP!

Jason: Why are you talking?

Shauna: YOU were talking.

Jason: Well, what were you doing?

Shauna: SLEEPING.

Jason: Well…so was I.

Shauna: Argh.

Jason: zzzzzzzzzz.

Shauna: [wide awake]

We are slowly getting used to adding more time into our mornings and evenings to accommodate Shorty. He’s still shy about going to the bathroom without someone to come with him, and he still wants us nearby while he eats (but he only eats if no one is paying attention to him, so Jason & I have spent the last few days in his room with our arms crossed, mouths shut and eyes averted until we hear the telltale crunch of kibbles being eaten). We obviously don’t want to have to accompany him out in the yard for every potty break or watch him painstakingly eat one piece of dog food at a time, but for now, he’s got some leeway.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was faking his cough just so we’d hang out with him more. But he woke himself up probably 20-30 times last night from all the pitiful-sounding coughing. We have no idea how much food or water he normally ingests because he hasn’t been eating or drinking much. The vet seemed unconcerned, so I hope the antibiotics start working for him.

In the meantime, while worrying about how to give him his pill last night, we offered it to him wrapped in a piece of cheese and well, let’s just say that was a BIG HIT. Dog likes cheese - welcome to the family! If he doesn’t start eating better, we’re going to be serving him a heaping plate of nachos out of desperation.

Even though he’s under the weather, he is incredibly patient, often sitting quietly while we fumble through numerous false starts trying to figure out how to put on his harness. On our walks, he’s already got his favorite spots to check out and unfailingly searches for tall grass to do his business. In the yard, since he can’t run much without coughing, he’s content to sit next to you in exchange for a belly rub or a forehead tousle, licking your kneecap and offering up kisses in gratitude. He’s a good dog.

I can’t wait to see his little personality develop. Also, we can’t wait for his coughing to clear up so we can stop worrying and enjoy some sleep again.

Exhibit A:

Very early Sunday morning:

[Sound of Shorty's collar hitting his kennel]

Jason: What was that?

Me: The dog.

Jason: WHAT dog?

Me: The DOG.

Jason: What DOG?

Me: ARGH. The dog we JUST GOT. Shorty.

Jason: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Me: [wide awake]

A few hours later:

Me: [sniffling so I can breathe]

Jason: What was THAT?

Me: [sniffling again for emphasis because I don't want to be engaged in another inane conversation with someone who isn't even totally awake]

Jason: Why are you SHUSHING me?

Me: I’m just sniffing!

Jason: ZZZZZZZZZZ.

Me: [wide awake]

Time: Early Sunday morning, sometime between Way Too Early a.m. and Why Are You Waking Me Up To Have A Conversation For Chrissakes a.m.

Jason, loudly: Why do I always have to get us up?

Me: What? You said you’d wake me because you’d already be up.

Jason: Well, what time do you want to get up?

Me, confused: We discussed this. 8:30.

Jason: But you have to be at work by 8:30!

Me, realizing the reason for this ridiculousness: OK. HEY. IT’S SUNDAY.

Jason: zzzzzzzz

Me, wide awake.

Scene: Booking our road trip to Denver to see the Twins play the Rockies

Jason: This hotel is less than a mile from Coors Field.

Me: But all the other hotels are a mile in the other direction. What if this is in a sketchy neighborhood?

Jason, sighing: Won’t people have to walk in our direction to get to their cars after the game?

Me: Yes, sketchy people. Two miles is a big difference. The difference between the good and bad sides of town.

Jason: You can’t know that. You’ve never been to Denver!

Me: Regardless.

Scene: Requesting our seat preference for the flight

Jason: I want the aisle.

Me: Well, I want the window.

Jason: No! Someone annoying will sit between us.

Me: Well, I’m not taking the middle - it sucks!

Jason: I’m definitely taking the aisle.

Me: Well then I’ll take the aisle seat across from you.

Jason: Fine.

Me: Fine. (After confirming): Wait. Now I’m not on the window, dammit!

Jason: Heh. Good one.

Scene: While doing our taxes online with Turbo Tax

Turbo Tax: I will walk you through this step by step. We will now review your W2s and the 8 income groups. Then we’ll work on your 1099s.

Me: Man, this Turbo Tax is awesome.

Jason: Yeah.

Turbo Tax: Hey, please remove the gum from your mouth because this will require all of your easily-distracted-by-cats-and-shiny-objects attention. Also, even though I am speaking to you at a 3rd grade reading level, turn down the radio because you are the last person to need any distractions.

Me: Wow. Turbo Tax has an attitude.

Jason: But it’s right, you know.

Me: I know.