Meet our crazy little family
JASON & SHAUNA
Married since October 2007. Seems longer. Like to camp, fish, fight over who gets to mow the lawn, play cribbage, watch baseball and play pool. Will open up a no-kill animal shelter when the Minnesota State Lottery Association comes through with the financing.
Born 35 years ago. Works in marketing. Would like to work as a freelance writer. Would also like to inherit a bacon farm. Is very organized; sorts her books and clothes by color. Is not insane.
Is fond of gardening, cooking, camping (especially tending the campfire), sleeping, baseball, scrapbooking and knitting. Would be lying if she told you she is willing to give up Mountain Dew.
Does not know how to give directions – cannot even tell you what direction she is facing this very minute. Likes to take photos and experiment with Photoshop. Is a magnet for house centipedes.
Will perform a complicated dance routine if told she will be eating at Buffalo Wild Wings. Also performs said dance on Fridays, during vacations and when Major League is on.
Born 34 years ago. Works as a warehouse manager. Does not eat fruits or vegetables, with the exception of potatoes.
Is fond of music, horror movies, camping, baseball and football, and concerts. Claims he is a better photographer than his wife. Has very dexterous toes. Owns enough CDs to open his own music store.
Has a near-photographic memory. Is a softie with kids and pets. Has a scar on his side that he claims is “from a knife fight.” Won’t elaborate or tell real reason for scar. Knows all there is to know about heavy metal music.
Claims he’s not ticklish, yet screams when tickled. Likes to have early-morning conversations. Makes excellent burgers (J Burgers) on the grill. Can read minds.
Adopted nearly 14 years ago. Likes to pretend she’ll let you pet her belly, but then will attack you when you do. Can be enticed into your lap if you’re surrounded by anything fuzzy. Comes on the bed at night to stick her whiskers in noses and purr noisily in ears.
Likes to play tag. Will play the game for quite awhile and then let you know she’s done by biting your ankle. Also plays a decent game of hide-n-seek, but does not realize her visibility when she hides behind the sheer living room curtains – and leaves her tail sticking out.
Is fond of dragging toys around the house. Has a penchant for Beanie Babies, a rabbit’s foot, and a giant stuffed baseball. Does not like when people pant like a dog. Likes to sit on top of the recliner and paw at passing things like King Kong.
Can growl for 45 seconds straight.
Adopted nearly 5 years ago. Likes to do impressions: when her lip catches on her half-tooth, she resembles Billy Idol, and with her small head on her giant body, she does an uncanny homage to Chris Farley’s “Fat Guy in a Little Coat.”
Will give head butts on command. Is also fond of playing dead when she’s hungry, and will stick her back leg out so it appears to be afflicted with rigor mortis. Nicknamed “piglet” for her habit of always curling and tucking her tail under her legs when napping.
Is so obsessed with the cat toys that we have to hide them during the night and toss them to her in the morning. When we get home, we usually find them under the pantry door.
Will appear out of nowhere to meow her teeny head off if you open up some Spam.
Yellow lab/corgi cross adopted in August of 2008. Developed moderate pneumonia two days later. Startled neighbors with his uncanny impersonation of a goose/donkey hybrid with tuberculosis.
Likes to whine so people will play with him. Picks up rocks to throw onto the grass so he can scratch his back. Is great at retrieving Frisbees, but not so great at bringing Frisbees back. Will often poop twice on his evening walk, especially when there’s only one poop bag left.
Tries to bring his bone outside with him every time for a playdate. Is notorious for sticking his head deep inside the raspberry bush only to walk away and have a rabbit scamper away unnoticed. Finishes his dinner and crawls into one of our laps to cuddle. Will then thank us by burping in our face. Thinks the cats are tasty, fuzzy treats that must be chased. Loves American cheese and listening to Twins baseball games on the radio.
Can easily scale the 6-foot-tall fence in the backyard, much to our horrible, horrible dismay.
Purchased for 12 cents apiece four years ago. Now too big to flush if they die. Named after former Twins players: (Shannon) Stewart, Bert (Byleven), Carlos (Silva) and Jack (Morris). The algae eater (hiding) is called Algae Eater. (RIP Jack, June 2009.)
Fond of displacing as much water as possible during feedings; getting stuck between filter tubes; writing poorly spelled memos; stealing Algae Eater’s wafers; lining up in perfect formation to stare creepily; and pooping constantly.
In case of a national emergency, we estimate that we could make 8, possibly 9, fish nuggets out of them for sustenance.
Bought as a joke for $1. Accompanies us on our travels. Has been to Mexico, Las Vegas, Denver and Chicago, as well as Motley Crue and Aerosmith concerts. Cheats at darts. Smokes in the house and doesn’t use an ashtray. Swears a lot. Drinks even more. Tells jokes that aren’t funny. Owes us $6,000 for rent. Needs to buy some pants.
SECTION 140, ROW 3, SEATS 10 & 11
Best purchase ever made. Offers unobstructed view of the field (except when stupid FSN cameraman is there). Features empty seats in front to stash stuff. On the aisle in a short row, which means never having to stand for Drunky McForgot Something again. Also in same row as the years-long season ticket holder guy who doles out free bubble gum. Shauna sat in seat #10 and waved to closer Joe Nathan. He waved back. Twins then went on to win by overcoming a 6-run deficit. Not a coincidence.
About the name
Pickles & Dimes came about late one night after I had a bad day. Jason was attempting to cheer me up and told me, “Don’t worry, baby. It’s all pickles and dimes.” And it made me laugh – a lot.
It’s now our mantra, a “don’t worry, things will be OK” version of not sweating the small stuff.