We had two new people start at work yesterday. They must’ve thought I was insane as I explained the various work-related oddities that have become second nature to me.
On the lunchroom-stocking situation: Yeah, there’s no paper plates. Or regular plates. I usually just use some of this wax paper I found in an abandoned cupboard. Oh, and there’s no napkins per se, but you can use these paper towels instead. I mean, they’re not regular paper towels; they’re more like the kind you find in a restroom, but it’s better than nothing, right? And if you ever need a spoon, you’ll find 100 forks and 350 knives, and vice versa. But hey! If you ever need 500 tea packets, we’ve got you covered!
On setting up a timesheet: OK, we’re starting a brand-new system on Monday, so you’ll have to do two timesheets. One on the old system for projects you started this week, and one on the new system for new projects you’ll start next week. But the old system won’t let you submit a timesheet with less than 40 hours on it, so you’ll have to put your remaining hours in the Admin category, which will make it look like you slacked off.
On selecting printers for computers: Yeah, the printers are named 233 and 237 for your PC, but they’re named 6040 for your Mac. Yeah, they’re the same printers. No, I don’t know why they’re named differently. Yeah, they didn’t used to, but both of the printers now have the same name on the Mac. Do they both work? You mean at the same time? HAHHAHAHA. No. In fact, if you print something right now and walk over to the printer and it’s there? I will give you a million dollars.
On requesting access to a computer program: OK, you have to request access to things like Facebook and Twitter and YouTube because the IT department hates us. And you have to put in a business justification. You can get all specific and list the project you need it for, or you can just do what I do and put, “TO DO MY JOB.” And then after a million years, you’ll get a notification that you have access. And that’s it! You’ll be able to access those sites. Unless you shut down your computer. Or log out. Or leave your desk. Or blink.