On Christmas, my brother brought home a box of Jelly Belly BeanBoozled. The gist is this: there are 10 different-colored jellybeans in each box, and each color has two taste possibilities: one good and one not-so-good.
After dinner, while we were waiting to open presents, my brother started passing the box around. Some of us already knew the joke (I myself had earlier suffered the unfortunate results of choosing incorrectly between “strawberry jam” and “centipede,” and was still trying to rid my mouth of the taste of dirt and insect-y revenge), but a few of my aunts had been talking, so when the box reached them, they casually pulled out a jellybean and stuck it in their mouth, completely oblivious to the sudden silence from the rest of the room as we all held our hands over our close-lipped mouths to prevent any premature guffaws.
You would not believe the raucous laughter. I’ve never laughed so hard watching someone eat something they’re hoping is coconut, only to realize it’s actually flavored like baby wipes. “I don’t know how baby wipes taste, but this tastes like baby wipes, dammit!!!”
After realizing what was happening, one of my elderly aunts picked a jelly bean, checked the listed possibilities, announced the candidates: “It’s either going to be “Juicy Pear” or “Booger,” then chewed quietly and dramatically before casually announcing — as though it was no big deal — “Yep, it’s a booger,” while the rest of us dissolved into shrieking hysterics.
The horrible possibilities were booger, centipede, pencil shavings (honestly horrible), skunk spray (which no one got, thankfully), baby wipes, toothpaste (the favorite of the “worst”), canned dog food, barf, moldy cheese, and rotten egg. (Of which my red-faced, sputtering brother screamed after he ate it, “That is THE worst thing I’ve ever tasted in my life! It’s in my sinuses!!!”)
The “good” flavors were: juicy pear, strawberry jam, banana, black licorice, coconut, berry, chocolate pudding, peach, caramel corn, and buttered popcorn.
The fun part was seeing people get the same color over and over and hearing the others calculating their odds: “Three people got peach! That means the next orange one is probably barf!”
Man, I can’t wait for Christmas 2013.