Too tired to think of a title
Hey, remember almost two years ago when I said our water heater drain valve was leaking? And how we “fixed” the problem by simply sticking a Tupperware container underneath it?
Yeah, the “leaking” finally evolved into “more leaking,” which then evolved into “please get a bigger Tupperware container, honey” to last week’s “I am informing you that we might not be able to leave the house for longer than 8 hours ever again, so swift is the leakage,” so that we finally had to buy a new water heater. Merry Christmas, honey! This year, you’re getting the gift of a hot shower!
Anyway, the installation guy said that while most water heaters take about 10 minutes to drain, our 17-year-old, rusting, leaking water heater with not-up-to-code venting took nearly an HOUR AND A HALF. And that was after he broke off a couple of other valves and parts over the drain to hurry the process along. Turns out the thing was jam-packed with sediment. As in, CHUNKS OF. That Jason and I had essentially been BATHING in. GROSS.
So, there’s that. Today’s Thankful Column includes: Non-Chunky Water.
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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about revenge. (For no real reason. This is honestly how I spend my time on my evening commute. You should be glad my commute is only 20 minutes. If I still had my old work commute with its 60-minute drive, I would be conspiring to AVENGE ALL THE THINGS.)
Here are my current proposed methods of getting even with people who suck (please note that this is a work in progress):
Line-cutters
Stalk them until they are in line for something they desire very, very badly, such as getting to a bathroom after eating hot wings or participating in a baked bean-eating contest. As soon as they make it to the front of the line, cut in front of them. When they object, act like a douche and say (douchefully), “It’s no big deal.”
Self-proclaimed grammar and spelling Nazis who always make a mistake when angrily pointing out the mistakes of others
Force them to tattoo their mistake on their lower back. Such as: “sneak peak.”
Graffiti “artists”
Invite them to showcase their artistic ability on a nice, clean building. After they’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time creating their perfect artistic endeavor, paint over it the very next day with the blandest shade of beige possible.
People who text while driving.
Punch them in the face.
Your ideas?
HAHAHA – I LOVE the first one. “It’s no big deal” – yeah, right!
And the chunky water? Made me shiver in horror.
Comment by Shelly — December 8, 2011 @ 8:26 am
Ha! I devise elaborate revenge plots all the time. Have you seen that new show on ABC called Revenge? Love.
My plots are equally complicated and take years to come to fruition, as in the show.
Unfortunately, my revenge fantasies are dark. As in avenging-a-raped-woman dark. (I so totally could have lived in a time where Frontier Justice ruled the land.) Scary, yes?
I think I might try to come up with an elaborate revenge scheme for people who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot. That might be a healthier use of my imagination.
Comment by Artemisia — December 8, 2011 @ 11:43 am
Ewww chunky water.
I love your ideas on revenge.
I say, those who take forever in the store after pumping gas when you d like to be pumping in their spot….cut their fuel line. Harsh?
Comment by Nik-Nak — December 8, 2011 @ 12:26 pm
My first thought was the same “Euw – chunky water!” I wonder how fabulous your hair is going to look now without sediment.
Comment by Shelly — December 8, 2011 @ 5:31 pm