Pickles & Dimes

We went to Phoenix a week ago. The weather here in Minnesota had been decidedly crappy, to the point that I had to wear my winter coat three days before we left for Arizona. (My sarcastic prediction that we’re only going to get 11 nice weather days this year may come true after all.) So imagine my unrestrained glee when I saw it was going to be at least 85 degrees and sunny the entire time we were going to be in Phoenix. There might have been an actual celebration dance.

Here’s what I have to say to all the people who warned me and warned me about Phoenix and its overbearing heat: You are idiots. I will gladly take Arizona’s 90+ degree heat with sunny skies than the 75 degrees and muggy as hell days Minnesota serves up. Those days make me want to rip my face off because it feels like I’m in a sweaty hug with a giant wad of Saran Wrap.

We went to watch the Twins play the Diamondbacks, so we stayed right downtown near the stadium because we weren’t renting a car. Our first order of business was to check out the local cuisine. (Just so you know, we ate here twice. Because we are fancy.)

See that “smoke” in the photo? Did you know that restaurants in Phoenix have misters on their outdoor patios? Holy crap, that is awesome.

The mall area was pretty, too:

(more…)

Saline solution: My eyes are extremely delicate eyelash-hoarding flowers, so generic saline feels like I upended a bucket of sand into my eyes. And then rubbed them until I saw purple lights (which incidentally, I used to do in my closet as a child. Which explains a lot.) Since I can’t be like my husband, who gets away with the $12 boxes of contacts and can wear the same pair for months using generic saline, I have to pony up for the real thing.

Mountain Dew: For awhile I was trying to find every little way to save money, so I bought our grocery store’s version of Mountain Dew. It was called something like “Mountain Mist,” and it was awful. Nothing tastes like Mountain Dew except for Mountain Dew. (I can also tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi every single time (preferring Coke), so I’m the priss who delighted in doing the Pepsi Taste Test Challenges in the 1980s, gleefully choosing Coke every single time.)

Girl stuff: I think you know what I mean. Dear God, not worth it.

Band-aids: We currently have a box of generic bandages and they work OK, if by OK I mean “needing to replace them every five minutes because the adhesive is made of a combination of oil and something else so slippery it has no adhesive qualities whatsoever.”

Razors: I used to get the razor that came with a built-in layer of shaving cream and it was awesome. It was also really, really freaking expensive. So instead of taking a step down and buying a slightly cheaper razor, I overcompensated and bought generic razors. And that is why my legs feel like sandpaper even though I just shaved yesterday, I swear to God.

Potato chips: Our grocery store used to sell a generic brand of potato chips called “Super Crunch.” They were actually really good, but then they suddenly stopped selling them and replaced them with something called “Krunchers.” (The “K” means Savings!) And surprise! The buffalo wing-flavored chips were amazing. And they were only 97 cents a bag. But then we realized that was just a one-time sale price and the regular price was $3.97. Which in my book is no longer generic, so I may as well buy the Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles I love anyway.

Lint rollers: We lint roll our furniture at least twice a week (and Abby too, who comes galloping out of nowhere once she hears the ripping of the paper off the roll, and meows belligerently at you until you run the lint roller down her back while she drools in bliss on the comforter). The name-brand lint rollers are kind of pricey, but we tried the generic version once and ended up needing five times as many sheets to get the job done.

Less talking, more lint rolling!

How about you? What items won’t you buy as generics?

The police officer in charge of my case called me today to tell me he’s issuing the warrant to get information from Netflix on that other account opened with my check card. And TCF credited my account last week for the full amount that was stolen. But when I called them today to see why I hadn’t received an explanation in writing (as promised), it turns out the money is a “provisional credit” until they complete their investigation. Which could take up to 90 days.

I got a raise at work last week. But then my best friend at work got let go under crappy circumstances. And my commute somehow keeps getting longer and longer while the weather gets better and better (it’s now reliably an hour every night). And when I attended a work seminar yesterday, everyone at my table told me that they have teams of 3-4 people doing the same work I do all by myself.

I washed my car. And then it rained less than 20 minutes later.

It was warmer than 80 degrees the last two days. And yet last week I had to wear my winter jacket one day, and tomorrow it’s supposed to only be 58 degrees. And it’s been raining a lot.

Hormones suck (there is no good news there).

The best part of my work day today is when I get to leave at 3:30. To go to the dentist.

I need some happy news today. Anybody wanna share?

This week Minnesota managed to string together a few nice weather days, like a popcorn garland made of sunshine, warm breezes and the scent of fresh-cut grass. I find myself trying to maximize my exposure to the outdoors, even taking the dog outside when he clearly doesn’t need to just because I feel the need to take advantage of the finite number of good-weather days we’re probably going to get this year (current estimate: 11).

Appropriately, I have had to call three pest control places to get quotes on mole removal because good Lord: those suckers are active this year. In fact, the first molehills of the season appeared while there was still snow on the ground, which doesn’t really seem fair. The garden also developed a rash in the form of a thick swath of weeds and dandelions (also while there was still snow on the ground), and I doubt half of the legitimate plants will return because of a certain dog’s tendency to pee on things that are pretty.

***

Jason and I renewed our “Eat Better, Exercise More” routine last Sunday and so far, I’ve lost 2.5 pounds and he’s lost 4. I’ve been watching what I eat like a hawk and he’s been running 2-3 miles twice a day. He’s a machine! Yesterday I think he was going slower on the afternoon run because he had already run in the morning (note: I will NEVER run in the mornings because I can barely stand upright that early in the day, and end up zombie-circling my way around the house bumping into walls). So he was keeping pace with me, which meant I was feeling all fleet-footed and speedy until I ran into a swarm of gnats and had to spit 35 times to get rid of the one I had swallowed.

***

This week in a work meeting, I mispronounced the word “accurate.” Instead of saying “AC-your-rit,” the word tumbled out of my mouth as “ack-ER-rit.” My boss agreed with the rest of my statement and then confirmed she noticed my faux pas by repeating the word correctly, while I hooked my thumbs under my suspenders and shambled off to swig some moonshine.

P.S. No news on my hacked checking account yet, unless you count the police department calling me back and asking if I’d heard anything from the bank as to who did it. I had to reiterate the Netflix lead for them and tell them a simple warrant would garner that information, so who knows what will happen. But I did receive a new check card so I can finally access my money, so it’s all good.