The Christmas treat hierarchy

Level 1 – Fruitcake

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The stuff of nightmares. Chunks of fruit embedded into cake? No. The texture issues alone require a detailed PowerPoint presentation outlining the many ways that this is not a real food item.

Level 2 – Eggnog

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Every year, I encounter this somewhere and think, “Oh. Let’s try it again. It’s probably not as bad as I remember.” And every year I have the satisfaction of realizing, “Oh. It is as bad as I remember. Possibly even worse. Will the hostess notice if I use this spoon to scrape my tongue and then induce vomiting?”

Level 3 – Christmas sugar cookies

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I’m not a huge fan of sugar cookies. My cookie preferences are pretty slim, to be honest. I’ll have chocolate chip cookies, those Hershey Kiss cookies, and that’s about it. Other Christmas cookies I’ll tolerate include chocolate-covered pretzels with M&Ms pressed into them or chocolate-covered Ritz peanut butter crackers (and yes, I realize that neither of those are technically cookies). Cookies that make me dry heave: cookies covered with thick, sugary frosting, cookies with nuts and cookies covered in coconut. Especially coconut.

Level 4 – Candy canes

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I’m not really a peppermint type of gal, unless you’re counting York Peppermint Patties, which are a completely different story. Every time I see one of those commercials, I crave a York Peppermint Patty so bad, and yet I think I have purchased maybe three of them in the last 15 years.

Level 5 – Gingerbread cookies

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Now we’re finally getting somewhere. Love gingerbread cookies – love them. Love the smell, love the taste, love biting the head off the gingerbread dude.

Level 6 – Oreo truffles

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Jason’s mom made these for the first time last year, and I almost needed an intervention, so great was my addiction. At Thanksgiving, she gave us a baggie with eight of them, which I carefully counted out as though they were gold coins and told Jason, “We get four each – no cheating.” The unspoken implication being, “Or I will hunt you down.”

Jason told me it didn’t think it was a good idea to make a batch myself, even though I half-heartedly insisted it would be “for the people at work.” [Ed. note: And if they can’t find them hidden in my filing cabinet, then TOO BAD for them.]

It’s probably a good thing I didn’t make any though, because I can’t stop eating them. They’re like little almond bark-covered Oreo cakes (and nothing like those awful Oreo Cakesters, which was a cruel joke played on the world by Nabisco). So by not making Oreo Truffles, I’m saving my husband from having to witness me acting like this:

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What’s your holiday treat hierarchy?

15 thoughts on “The Christmas treat hierarchy

  1. Oh God, Oreo truffles. One of my co-workers made them last year with mint oreos and OMG, I thought I was going to inhale the whole bowl. SO GOOD. I remember she said they were really easy to make, too, which I really shouldn’t tell you (or think about myself).

  2. Mine is very similar to yours, except I would switch egg nog and gingerbread cookies. Also, I haven’t had Oreo truffles (though they sound DIVINE). I would also put peanut butter buckeyes at Level 6. SO YUMMY OMG.

  3. I’ve never heard of Oreo truffles. & now my ass is sorry I ever did. Must investigate.

    I don’t like egg nog, fruit cake or gingerbread either. I can have maybe one peppermint candy cane a century. The only minty thing I like is Junior Mints, though I can never figure out why they are so tasty.

  4. I can’t even LOOK at eggnog without gagging, and yet A. loves it. I bought some for him, and just the WEIGHT of the container grossed me out. GROSS.

    I am not a huge fan of sugar cookies unless it is my mom’s recipe that includes sour cream. They aren’t as achingly sweet and they stay soft. I prefer them without frosting.

    I lllllloooooovvvvveeee my own homemeade shortbread cookies. Goodness, I could eat a million of ‘em. A. doesn’t really care for them. Which is fine, because then I get all that buttery goodness to myself.

  5. Level one for me: peanut brittle. I’m always worried I’ll break a tooth and it always tastes kind of burnt and after eating it you have to spend the rest of the day using your tongue to pry little pieces of it out of your molars. Do. Not. Like.

  6. Fruitcake and eggnog wouldn’t even make it on my treat list. I think most cookies would be at the bottom, working up toward the various candies my mom makes for Christmas (chocolate covered caramels, graham cracker balls, peanut butter cups, fudge). Lefse would be in there somewhere too. Yum.

  7. FRUITCAKE, GAAAAG. am curious to see if any brave soul here admits to liking it.. :)

    i must admit, i adore sugar cookies. i mean, as long as they’re GOOD and not those tasteless cardboardy ones that are hard as rocks. but a soft sugar cookie? OMMGGGGGDROOL.

  8. I actually like Christmas sugar cookies, but with colored sugar sprinkles rather than icing. And I could probably eat my weight in Oreo truffles. Om nom nommmmm

  9. I agree about everything except the eggnog! Which I like. And I’ve never tried the oreo truffles, but now I want to.

  10. I agree with this except for the cookies – hate gingerbread, LOVE sugar cookies. Good sugar cookies, not the dried up kind that are hard as rocks!

    However, what I really wanted to comment on is the Oreo truffles. Love these – and I was addicted to making them a few years ago when they were all the rage. You should totally make some. Also – make them with NUTTER BUTTERS instead of Oreos. Oh yes, you will thank (or curse) me for this tip!

  11. Fudge would be at the top of my list. I love fudge! Also, I associate peppermint ice cream with Christmas, so that would be towards the top of my list too. At the bottom of my list: gingerbread cookies and peanut brittle. Oh, also, I don’t really like minty candy canes, but I like the sweet ones that are rainbow-colored.

  12. Hmmmm- I think I’m going to try making the Nutter Butter ones next year and dip them in chocolate almond bark!….or maybe I’ll make them this weekend! They sound heavenly!