How I ended up watching a movie my husband insisted wasn’t scary and then had creepy nightmares anyway
Jason: I watched The Orphan this morning. Excellent movie.
Me: That’s cool.
Jason: You should watch it.
Me: No, thanks.
Jason: Seriously, it’s not that scary.
Me: I’m good.
Jason: Let’s watch it tonight!
Me: What’s the deal? I’ve seen the trailer. Is the girl just plain evil?
Jason: I’m not saying.
Me: Possessed by the devil?
Jason: [zipping his lip]
Me: I don’t like horror movies.
Jason: But it’s not really a horror movie. More a suspense/thriller.
Me: But movies like that stick in my head forever.
Jason: No, they don’t.
Me: I still think about Ghost Ship and The Ring with alarming regularity.
Jason: This one’s not that scary.
Me: Do people die?
Jason, hesitating: Um, maybe.
Me: What do you mean, maybe?
Jason: It’s left up to interpretation. (Ed. note: He’s lying.)
Me: Well, are there really scary moments where something pops out when the music’s all creepy?
Jason: Sure.
Me: I don’t like toaster moments.
Jason: What?
Me: Toaster moments. Moments that I know are going to be scary, but I still jump anyway. Like when I’m waiting for the toaster to pop, and I know it’s going to pop, but I still jump once it does.
Jason: Just give it a chance, OK? It’s really good. We’ll watch it while it’s still light out.
Me: Fine, but I’m knitting during it.
(And that’s why I woke up at 2:30 convinced Esther was on her way to our bedroom to kill me. Stupid scary movie. Which was very good, by the way.)
Remember “The Shining”?! That’s all I have to say.
Comment by Rachelle — July 12, 2010 @ 4:17 pm
See, I don’t like suspense/thriller movies any more than I like horror movies. I would have run away screaming as fast as I could the second anyone tried to convince me to watch a movie like that. I don’t think knitting would help, either.
Comment by Jess — July 12, 2010 @ 4:31 pm
The poster alone for that movie creeps me out. No way. Ever.
Comment by Shelly — July 12, 2010 @ 4:44 pm
Andy did the same thing to get me to watch The Village. I am so glad he did, but damn, I was scared to watch it. I am still a chicken, so I am super impressed you watched The Orphan.
Have you ever seen Open Water? If not, DON’T. I think of that damn movie all the time and I STILL lose sleep over it. Really. Don’t watch it.
Comment by Artemisia — July 12, 2010 @ 5:02 pm
Oooh! I have a love hate relationship with scary movies. I LOVE the whole psychological aspect and the being scared part. And yet I hate the whole getting scared with the “toaster” moments as well! However, I DESPISE the blood and gore. That just kind of makes me want to throw up.
So…love/hate!
Comment by sarah — July 12, 2010 @ 6:11 pm
Toaster moments. Perfect.
I, too, hate scary movies. What I don’t get is why the mister makes me watch them and then gets irritated when I lay, wide-awake, in bed saying, “Did you hear that?” and jumping at every little noise until I pass out from exhaustion.
Comment by Buster — July 12, 2010 @ 6:54 pm
Never. May I repeat? Never never never.
Comment by Ellie — July 13, 2010 @ 7:22 am
Artemisia,
Oh yes, I have seen Open Water. It is pretty much a cinematic version of my worst nightmare brought to life. GAAAAAAAAAH.
Gah.
Gah.
GAHHHHHH.
Comment by Shauna — July 13, 2010 @ 8:28 am
ha, i’m pretty much jason. it just doesn’t compute that other people would not like them! i mean, they’re so FUN! like rollercoasters! …what do you mean, not everyone likes rollercoasters..?
Comment by Alice — July 13, 2010 @ 12:38 pm
It should be noted that I love scary movies. I watched the Orphan and I hated it. It was very scare and very gross at the same time. I was hoping that the husband/father would end up living. It was a very bad movie.
Comment by Michelle Flaherty — July 13, 2010 @ 2:46 pm
Toaster moments = awesomest phrase ever.
And what is UP with husbands wanting their wives to watch something that the wife insists will give her nightmares?
Comment by Whimsy — July 14, 2010 @ 10:27 am
I am totally stealing the “toaster moment” terminology. LOVE it!
Comment by Fiona Picklebottom — July 14, 2010 @ 4:40 pm
I too still think of The Ring with alarming regularity. Scary flicks stick in my head too. And emerge from the depths of my brain when I’m home alone or driving down a dirt road at night or am walking across a deserted parking lot. Not fun.
Comment by Life of a Doctor's Wife — July 15, 2010 @ 10:09 am
OH GOD! Toaster moments, that’s priceless.
Also, I’m the same way – I still think about The Ring, and The Orphan (which I watched by myself, after midnight, because I’m a masochist). Except no one is forcing me – I choose to watch them. All by myself. It’s not as if I LIKE being scared, it’s more like…I see the trailer and then I HAVE to know what happens, or my imagination will run wild.
Comment by amber — July 15, 2010 @ 2:41 pm