Pickles & Dimes

After writing last time how nice and normal things were, this week found me in a giant rut, where each day was a struggle, each night shrank like 100% cotton washed in hot water until our free time seemed nonexistent, and each commute filled me with so much rage that if I were to channel that anger into pure energy I probably could’ve blown up a semi. Or at least one of those Smart Cars.

I’d been trying to shake off the feelings of anger/helplessness/calm down before your jaw snaps off you idiot, etc., when today I was accosted in the parking lot two seconds after arriving to work with a giant project with a not-so-giant deadline. Jesus. At least let me get into the damn building, coworkers! In fact, I have now tried to work on the same document no less than 17 times, but I keep getting interrupted. I officially give up – there is no reason to try to maintain control here at Chaos Central.

I know I need to calm down, that I’m really just angry at the fact that stuff I normally did during work breaks/my lunch hour (check email, blog, pay bills, etc.) now has to be done at home. That’s fine (not really, but whatever). But Home Time is getting smaller and smaller because my morning commute has gotten longer and longer for some reason (that reason = jerkholes), I’m constantly working through breaks and lunches, and my evening commute is now reliably closer to 60 minutes instead of 30. Add to that the fact that summer brings more fun activities into the dwindling evening-hours equation (running, long walks with Shorty, yardwork), and I feel each night brings frustration at my inability to get things done and soon-to-be-broken promises that I’ll do better tomorrow. (big sigh) Jason is also in the same position with his job, so he feels the same way. It’s something we talk about a lot, especially lately. How do we deal with this so we’re not feeling constantly frazzled?

I guess I have to make peace with the fact that I can’t fit everything into my days anymore, and I’ll have to decide what takes priority. It’s just too bad that the stuff I don’t want to do (work, grit my teeth through another commute, not have a break from the time I leave the house at 7:15 until I get home at 6:00) has to trump the stuff I do want to do (sleep, spend time with Jason and the pets, blog, be able to go to the bathroom without being hunted down by someone who gives me more work, etc.).

Guess I’ll just have to become one of those crazy people who only sleep 17 minutes a day, huh? And who makes the most of her 7-minute window of free time to blog. Take that, insane week!

Life has been pretty normal lately, which is great. No stressors, good weather, things are nice. Normal is nice.

Jason and I are about to sign up for a 5K in June (his second, my first). Both Sunday and yesterday we ran 3 miles, and I’m at the point where I’m happy with my time but just want to cut down on the amount of times I stop to walk (between 3-5 times, mostly in the 3rd mile). It’s definitely a mental thing, as I see a tree or intersection or leaf on the street and decide preemptively, “I’ll walk there.” My goal in June is to do the whole race without stopping. Also, to have my face stop being red an hour and a half after I’m done running, if that’s not too much to ask.

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We are about to have our gutters replaced, which involved calling for quotes, dealing with pushy sales pitches, calling back when we realized our soffit should be replaced as well, and then calling back yet again to ask for the quote to include the fascia. Good thing I don’t mind talking on the phone – oh wait. Anyway, now I can add soffit and fascia to “things I previously never knew existed on our home that are not cheap to replace.” Incidentally, the only reason we are replacing everything is because we want to scrape and repaint our deck, which is peeling like an old banana, and we can’t do that until the gutters stop dripping water everywhere.

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My car’s check engine light was on for quite awhile. I had the code read for free at Auto Zone and it indicated an emissions problem. I did replace my gas cap a few months ago when I stupidly left it on top of my car after filling up, so I tightened that up and hoped for the best. But every morning that stupid Check Engine light came on and filled me with unwanted stress and rage about car repairs and possible new car options (Kia Forte? Ford Focus? Whatever is the cheapest because I do not tie my self-worth to my car?). So I used the power of my mind to turn the light off. Every morning before I turned the key in the ignition, I’d visualize that light not turning on. And finally, after about a week, I was driving to work when I happened to glance at my dashboard to check my speed (too slow for my taste, naturally) when I saw the light click off. It came back on after about a month, but I wished it away again and now it’s off. True story.

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The strip mall where I wished a Jimmy John’s into existence has two open spots left. But a banner proclaims one of them is going to be wasted on a dollar store, so I have decided to use my mind powers to fill the remaining spot with something useful to me. The only problem is, I can’t decide what it should be. An ice cream shop? An awesome Chinese buffet? A funky jewelry store? Help me decide so I can harness my energy to make it happen!

We went to see comedian Maria Bamford on Friday. Oh man, she is the funniest thing ever. I love her and her many strange voices. Plus, both the warmup comedians just killed. My favorite was when one of them compared living in Minnesota to being in an abusive relationship: “You know, you should just move away. Find somewhere where the weather’s nice and you’ll be treated right.” “But that one time, in August, the weather was good and I went to the beach.” “But then in February, your car got ruined and your friend froze to death.” I think every Minnesotan has that same rationalization/thought process during the horrid winter months.

Speaking of weather, this spring has been an absolute gem. Jason & I spent 6 1/2 hours outside on Sunday, first running 2.3 miles and then cleaning off our patio furniture. I weeded (the weeds were out-of-control ridiculous) while Jason mowed and weed-whipped. The yard is golf-course green, our lilacs are blossoming a good month ahead of schedule, all of my plants our blooming at the same time (even the lazy, dog-pee-hampered daylilies), and it just feels like summer, you know?

Speaking of summer, Jason bought me the CD Volume Two by She & Him, and oh, it’s such happy, 60s-sounding folk music, it just brightens my mood. The whole CD is awesome, but I am especially prone to listening to tracks “Thieves” and “In the Sun” on repeat during my commute. Listening to their music makes me want to put on a sundress and large sunglasses and escape in a convertible.

Speaking of escaping (or a lack thereof), I am in the middle of a tedious work project. I’ve already been working on it for a month and it will probably take another month to finish it. It involves working with the government and their regulations and also updating files for 60+ people and every time I feel like I’m making progress, some other requirement pops up and that’s probably why I’ve developed an eyelid twitch. Tomorrow we have a “Lunch & Learn,” which would be fine if the last part of the meeting invite didn’t say, “This is a Bring Your Own Lunch event.” So it’s really less of a Lunch & Learn, and more like workplace is stealing my hour of free time to sully with work-related activities. Not cool.

Speaking of things that are not cool, even though we’ve had our ceiling fan on, it has been really warm in our bedroom overnight. Jason doesn’t want to turn the air conditioning on yet, so he’s been cracking open the windows. Which is fine, except the birds are being giant wads about the whole early-morning chirping requirements and start their twittering at 4:21 a.m. But then I found a pair of earplugs and holy awesome – they actually work!

Speaking of birds, we have a robin that’s built a giant nest on one of our downspouts, and another bird that’s made a nest in an old speaker mounted on the outside of our garage. It used the dangling speaker wire for its nest. Dope.

Yesterday, after a wonderful lunch in my car, I leaned forward to start the engine. But then I felt something…wrong. Something a little bit…drafty.

And that was when I realized my pants had inexplicably split open. We’re talking a definite split here; the seam had pretty much given up, tossed up its hands and walked away shaking its head. I have no idea how it happened, but I can definitely tell you that there was no telltale RIPPPPPPING sound, and I’m going to pretend it happened while I was getting into my car, and not while I was walking all over workplace to attend various meetings with numerous people.

I quickly debated my options, which were:

1. Take an hour to drive home and change, making me miss an hour of work (my lunch hour was almost over at this point, naturally).
2. Keep my jacket wrapped around my waist for the rest of the day (only I had left my jacket at work, which I never do, except for the ONE TIME I needed it, naturally).
3. Buy some safety pins and leave my desk only after everyone else had gone home.

I chose #3, and drove to a nearby Walgreens, where I sidled along the periphery of the aisles searching for safety pins and swiftly turning to face every person I came across like a nervous ninja. I had my shirt pulled down as far as it would go and I was trying to be nonchalant while surreptitiously checking my reflection for signs of indecent exposure. I finally had to ask a salesclerk where the safety pins were located, and she may have wondered while I kept circling so I was always facing her, but I figured she’d seen weirder people.

Anyway, the safety pins were $6 and only came in size: GIGANTOR, so I bought a $5 sewing kit instead. (If you know me and my lack of sewing skills, you’re probably laughing uproariously.)

Then I slunk into the workplace bathroom and quickly performed the most horrible seam sewing job ever. But it worked and it held, and I was all proud of myself until about an hour later when I realized something was poking the back of my thigh.

It turned out I forgotten to cut the thread when I was done. The thread that was still attached to the needle. Making me, quite possibly, the world’s worst seamstress.