My neuroses
When I was a kid and caught a glimpse of my face in a window or circus-like mirror so that it appeared I was deformed, I once got it into my head that my face really was deformed, and that my parents had bought special expensive mirrors that made me look normal and placed them wherever I might be. I also thought they had paid off everyone I came into contact with into looking at me normally rather than recoiling in horror at my disfigurement.
Whenever I am standing on the edge of something, whether it’s a dock at the lake or an upper-level deck or window, I get the urge to jump. To just leap out into the open. The feeling is so strong I can actually feel my muscles twitching in anticipation. It’s kind of creepy, but on the other hand, this instinct allowed me to bungee jump without hesitation.
When I’m driving underneath a bridge, if there’s a car overhead crossing that bridge at the same time, I always estimate whether or not my car would’ve collided with the other car if our paths had actually intersected. Also, when I pass a large object (wall, guardrail, etc.), I wonder how it would feel if I actually collided with the object at my present rate of speed.
Whenever I’m watching a movie and someone dives underwater, I hold my breath to see if I can last as long as they do.
How about you? Any weird things you do or think?
I’m scared. You are me. I was reading ALL of those and literally thinking, hey…I do that. Oh, I do that too. It’s crazy! The jumping thing is especially bad b/c our work has a second floor that;s only seperated by a railing and you can look down onto the first floor and I get the urge to jump it EVERY TIME. I also get this weird urge to pull up the emergency hand brake while I’m speeding along the highway and see what would happen.
Comment by sarah — November 12, 2009 @ 3:24 pm
When I drive under a bridge, I fight the urge to put my hand over my head to shield myself should the bridge suddenly collapse. As if my wee little hand offers that much protection.
Comment by Shelly — November 12, 2009 @ 3:50 pm
I do the standing at the edge thing and the bridge/driving thing too. And I am SO RELIEVED to know that other people do that because I seriously thought (for years now) that it meant something was wrong with me. It’s kind of a scary feeling, even though I know that I wouldn’t actually do it.
Comment by Becky — November 12, 2009 @ 4:22 pm
I do the underwater thing too! It’s amazing how often I find that either I have REALLY pansy lungs, or the movies are being absurd.
Comment by G — November 12, 2009 @ 4:24 pm
I hold my breath when passing graveyards and worry that fire hydrants will explode as I walk by
Comment by parkingathome — November 12, 2009 @ 4:36 pm
I totally do the urge to jump thing. Especially at big malls like the Mall of America. You know that big courtyard/rotunda area with the escalators going up one side and the elevators on the other? Anyway, that’s where I first remember really wanting to just hurl myself over the side. For a long time I thought this meant that I was suicidal.
I didn’t do the other things before you mentioned them but now I will! GAH!!!
Comment by Emily — November 12, 2009 @ 6:43 pm
Like your 3rd thing: if I stop at a light, I often calculate what the situation would have been if I’d accidentally run the light.
I don’t like to walk in front of dark windows (like when I’m inside where it’s light). I wince because I think I’m going to be shot.
When I go inside (room, house, whatever) and lock a door behind me, I wince until I can take my hand off the handle and step away: I’m worried someone’s going to turn the knob while I’m touching it, or that an ax/chainsaw is going to come through the door.
Comment by Swistle — November 12, 2009 @ 7:44 pm
Oh my gosh!! What if they can really hear my thoughts? LOL.
Comment by Lindsey — November 12, 2009 @ 10:13 pm
I’m always worried someone is going to drop a rock or brick off of an overpass onto my car. Thanks, fourth grade anti-vandalism film reel!
Comment by Nowheymama — November 13, 2009 @ 9:32 am
I practice holding my breath whenever I pass by this gross chemical refinery in our town, mostly to avoid breathing in the fumes, but ALSO to see how long I can. I am always dismayed that I can’t even hold my breath for a minute! What am I going to do when I, you know, NEED to hold my breath to live?
Because it’s sure to happen at some point, right?
Comment by Sarah — November 13, 2009 @ 9:52 am
OK, kind of like your jumping thing. Every time I’m going to take Montana somewhere in the car, I let her run into the garage on her own, after I check that the door is closed so that she can’t run away (because I know that she will run away, and does at every opportunity). And yet every time I go into the garage behind her I get the urge to hit the button to open the door, even though I know doing so would allow her to run off.
Comment by Jess — November 13, 2009 @ 1:15 pm
whenever I drive under an overpass, I pray traffic won’t stop b/c I’m afraid if an earthquake hits, the overhead pass will collapse on top of my car.
Comment by jessica — November 13, 2009 @ 3:26 pm
It’s so interesting that you hold your breath when movie-people dive underwater. I can’t hold my breath very long at all (sucky, stupid lungs – and I don’t even smoke!).
My most notable neurosis – whenever I’m in the shower at night, and washing my face, I have to constantly peek through my fingers to see if the killer from Psycho might be lurking behind the curtain, waiting to STAB ME. Every time. I keep trying to tell myself it’s insane, the door is locked, etc etc. It never helps.
Comment by amber — November 15, 2009 @ 1:46 pm
My brothers and I all have those moments when we’re like, “What if I just jerked the wheel and flew off this cliff?” It’s scary, but at least it sounds like it’s a pretty common thing.
I also cannot open my parents’ inside garage-to-house door while the light is still off– I turn it on before I open the door, and then I make sure the door is completely shut before I turn the light off. Thank God the light switch is on the inside of the house, or I’d be sunk.
And almost every night when I’m undressing for bed (I basically wear nothing– nothing, or just underwear, or just underwear and a tank top. In any case, I’m very scantily clad) the thought pops into my head that if there were a fire, my roommates would say WAY more of me than I’d ever want them to. Doesn’t make me wear any more clothing, but it is definitely a recurring worry.
Comment by seven — November 16, 2009 @ 12:55 am
I really need to get some more neuroses.
Comment by Ellie — November 16, 2009 @ 8:58 am
i do the holding my breath thing at movies, too! the mirror one makes me so sad, though – your poor little kid self!
when i’m crossing a bridge, i spend the entire time calculating which shore i’m closer to, so that in case the bridge collapsed i’d know which direction to swim. as if the BRIDGE COLLAPSE wouldn’t kill me.
Comment by Alice — November 16, 2009 @ 10:17 am
Hmm….I don’t do any of those. I do check the toilet for snakes, though. All the time. And I worry that catastrophe will strike while I’m in the bathroom or shower. That’s pretty weird.
Comment by Shelly — November 16, 2009 @ 10:55 am
I would NOT recommend reading this list if you’re feeling even SLIGHTLY nervous or unhinged. Never in my LIFE did I worry about a chainsaw bursting through a door… until now.
- Whenever I go downstairs at night by myself, I don’t get nervous or weird until I’m heading back UP the stairs, when I start to imagine that someone is behind me and is going to pull me back down the stairs for nefarious purposes. The result? I end up SPRINTING the last few stairs and barreling down the hall and into our bedroom.
- I have detailed evacuation plans for earthquakes AND volcano eruptions.
- I have an extreme love for all prime numbers except the number 2. Because it’s an even number.
Comment by Whimsy — November 17, 2009 @ 12:41 am
Whenever I get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee (and notice I said WHEN not IF), I always freak myself out that someone is lying in wait under the bed to slash my ankles. Luckily, my husband is a very heavy sleeper, otherwise he would undoubtedly wonder why I take a flying leap into the bed from the bathroom doorway every single night.
Comment by nonsoccermom — November 17, 2009 @ 12:57 pm