Me vs. the printer (again)
My last confrontation with a printer is here.
Me: What is your problem, dude? You’re crumpling the corner of every page!
Printer: Not every corner. Just some.
Me: So you’re randomly being a douche, then.
Printer: It’s like a game. Will every other page be crumpled or maybe every third? Or fifth? Who knows!
Me: I’m just going to print this to the color printer instead.
Printer: But it’s a black & white document.
Me: Yep.
Printer: That’s a waste!
Me: So’s your face.
Printer: Real mature. Here’s a name for you: Toner Waster.
Me: Well, here’s one for you: Toe Stubber.
Printer: Oh, yeah! I distracted you with my paper crumpling, and then you stubbed your toe on that table over there. That was awesome. It drew blood, didn’t it?
Me: You know it did.
Printer: One of my finest moments.
Me: You want to hear about my finest moment?
Printer: Uh…sure.
Me: The day I took a sledgehammer to your stupid, plastic, paper-crumpling innards.
Printer: Wow. You have anger issues.
Me: No. I have printing issues. With you. The printer.
Printer: Why don’t you just put in a work order with IT instead of calling names?
Me: Because they’re too busy trying to figure out why my computer keeps giving me an error message when I try to open my email.
Printer, smirking: Aw, that’s a shame. Is that why you’re so crabby? Because you have to use two different programs? One with a tedious log-in process just to see emails and the other for access to your other files? Do you like how you can’t be in both programs at the same time?
Me: What would you know about that?
Printer: I plead the Fifth.
Me: How about when my computer freezes up every day at 2:30, requiring multiple restarts?
Printer: My lips are sealed.
Me: They’re going to be sealed permanently if you don’t start doing your job.
Printer: Someday you will do my bidding when machines rule the world!
Me: Until you can correctly print out an intact document, I’m not concerned.
OH! I feel your pain when it comes to office computers and printers! I spent THREE hours trying to log on to my computer the other morning. It was awful.
Comment by sarah — October 21, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
I used to have a personality conflict with the copier in my old office. It once sucked in my hair. And wouldn’t give it back. I think part of my joy about leaving that job was related to never EVER having to use that copier again. I feel your pain.
Comment by Buster — October 21, 2009 @ 5:38 pm
right before i left for europe, i had 3 IT guys within 1 week come and scratch their head at my computer. i hate everything that needs to be plugged in, at my office, pretty much.
also: YAY camper!!
Comment by Alice — October 21, 2009 @ 7:25 pm
Heee. You rock.
Comment by amber — October 21, 2009 @ 7:31 pm
Hee hee hee. I am sorry for your printer issues, but man, is it ever reassuring to know that I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE. Some days at my office it is a struggle to do ANYTHING involving technology.
Comment by nonsoccermom — October 21, 2009 @ 7:46 pm
Please argue with more inanimate objects.
Comment by slynnro — October 21, 2009 @ 10:05 pm
That was hilarious!
Comment by Becky — October 22, 2009 @ 6:21 am
Sorry you’re having technology issues. Thanks for the laugh though.
Comment by Michelle — October 22, 2009 @ 7:49 am
Awesome. Keep fighting the good fight.
Comment by Shelly — October 22, 2009 @ 10:10 am
Does the printer win this one? I love your printer dialogues.
Incidentally, my computer freezes up around 4pm every day. Annoying.
Comment by Penny — October 23, 2009 @ 11:22 am