Show and tell
When I was in 4th grade, I got a new doll for Christmas. It had blond hair and a turquoise dress, and when you pressed its belly, it reassured your intense need for affection by chirping, “I love you, Mommy!” I’m guessing the sentiment got old for my parents after the 50th gut jab, but I loved that doll.
I brought her in to class for show & tell and nervously awaited my turn. When the time came, I marched confidently to the front of the room, announced, “This is my new doll,” and triumphantly squeezed her midsection.
Apparently, the batteries had died, because instead of a happy “I love you, Mommy!” what bellowed from the doll’s belly was something straight out of a horror movie: “I……………lovvvvve…..yoooouuuuu………..mommmmmmyyyyyyyyy,” it croaked maniacally, fueled not by a happy baby-girl voice, but instead, the malevolent mutterings of Satan.
Horrified, I ran out of the classroom into the bathroom, where I cried. “Stupid doll,” I hissed, as I punched it in the stomach.
“I love you, Mommy!” it sing-songed.
What’s the best/grossest/worst thing you ever brought (or told) at show & tell?
In third grade I told a story about my cat doing some hilarious thing, but when I was actually telling it, it no longer seemed funny at all. If I’d known the phrase “…Guess you had to be there,” I would have finished with that, but since I didn’t know that phrase I ended with a sort of “…” sound. THEN I realized that the story had included ME in BED and I’d just told it to BOYS. So then I died and was dead.
Comment by Swistle — September 23, 2009 @ 6:39 pm
I don’t remember, but I *do* remember programming my little sister’s creepy talking doll with my parents on Christmas Eve. Mom told a short story she’d read about a doll that came to life and killed the family it lived with. I did not sleep well that night.
Comment by Nowheymama — September 23, 2009 @ 7:13 pm
I never got to have show and tell at my school. Apparently those Catholic nuns were frightened of it??? But I remember wanting to bring my pet pill bugs with me to school (yes…you read that right…my pet PILL BUGS).
I had the lamest parents who wouldn’t buy me REAL pets…sigh
Comment by sarah — September 23, 2009 @ 7:39 pm
I don’t remember anything that I took for show and tell, but this post made me laugh. Hee hee.
Comment by nonsoccermom — September 23, 2009 @ 8:34 pm
I really can’t remember taking anything to school for show and tell. Maybe I’ve just blocked it out. I do remember, in first grade, we were given candy for afternoon snack, but they gave it to us in the morning and we had to sit there ALL DAY with the candy, the sweet, sweet candy IN OUR DESKS. MERE INCHES away. ALL DAY. Yeah, you can guess who got caught sneaking her candy, can’t you?
Comment by Shelly — September 24, 2009 @ 7:55 am
ohmygod that totally reminds me of this creepy, storytelling bear I had as a kid that when you put it face down it would go, “turn me over!” and would say it over and over and over until you stopped suffocating it on the floor. Perhaps it was alive, who’s to say really. I hated that bear. I hated him even worse when HIS batteries got low and he was all, “ttuuuuuurrrnnn meeeeeee ooooooovvvveeeerrrrrrr rr rrrr……” like he was going to eat my soul if I didn’t.
Probably the lamest thing I brought to school was rocks. Our entire front yard was covered in river rocks, and I was the quiet 6th child that had to entertain herself all day, so I collected “cool rocks” and put them in the seat of my three-wheeler thing. I didn’t tell my siblings of my hobby, lest they make fun of me or steal all the good cool rocks. Mom would intermittently empty out the seat when the thing was too heavy for me to toot around in anymore, I always thought it was some sort of magic that it emptied.
Comment by parkingathome — September 24, 2009 @ 10:41 am
I don’t remember the stuff that I used to share. But according to my mother I would rehearse alone in my bedroom the night before. That’s pretty embarrassing, huh?
Comment by Jess — September 24, 2009 @ 11:06 am
I was extremely proud to bring my FINGERNAIL to show and tell. It had fallen off when my finger was slammed in the car door. I brought the blackened, shriveled little thing in a plastic baggy.
“Oh, you have a My Little Pony? Cute…
I have an entire, discarded fingernail.
Can’t beat that with your Carebear can you?”
Comment by Jason — September 24, 2009 @ 12:11 pm
OMG this is so freaking hilarious!!!
The only thing I remember is that I saw my mother’s birth control pills in the bathroom and found the dial fascinating. I wanted to take them to show-and-tell because I thought the dial was a clock. My mother talked me out of it, but wouldn’t that have been funny if you were the teacher?
Comment by Shelly — September 24, 2009 @ 12:54 pm
i never had anything that cool for show and tell, but in fifth grade we “shared” big things-something that happened over the weekend, and suzy hart told the entire fifth grade class that her period had started…yeah, i had a hard time looking her straight in the eye for a while…
Comment by fritz — September 24, 2009 @ 12:57 pm
My parents LOVE to tell the story about when I was 2, and enrolled in a pre-school while still in diapers, and I stood up and PULLED MY DIAPER OFF, out of my pants, and showed it to everyone.
I’m still approximately that classy.
Comment by erin — September 24, 2009 @ 3:56 pm
The other day my cousin wrote on facebook, “I just sat on a Care Bear. And now he’s telling me he wants a hug.”
Comment by Ellie — September 25, 2009 @ 7:46 am
HA HA HA HA!! I don’t remember show and tell, but I loved reading these stories. I can’t imagine some of the stories teacher have to tell….
Comment by Artemisia — September 25, 2009 @ 12:11 pm
When I was in third grade I found a really cool white cocoon in an open field behind our house. I think we were studying insects in science at that time, so I decided it would be a really cool thing to bring to school. Brownie points, and also to impress the other kids. I put it in a special shoebox, and brought it in to “share” with everyone. Turned out to be a dried up piece of dog poop. Talk about embarrassing …
Comment by Leslie — September 27, 2009 @ 8:28 pm
I was painfully shy in grade school (actually all through school) and I only remember participating once. My dad had given me a tiny bag of taconite pellets from the iron range, and I thought those little grey balls were so cool.
Comment by Grimmie — September 29, 2009 @ 11:09 am