Things Shauna cannot do – Part V
1. Wake up without the assistance of an alarm, a dog, two cats, and a husband.
2. Figure out why her shadow makes it look like she has giant alient hands.
3. Care at all what celebrities say/do/think/endorse.
4. Remember to wash off her mascara on the two days a year she wears it.
5. Drive to work without sounding like an angry sailor.
6. Find a pair of shorts that are the right length.
7. Skip a rock on water.
8. Resist using Shorty’s paws to keep the beat as she makes him “rap” while sleeping: “My name is Shorty and I’m here to say, it’s in your lap I would like to stay…yo, yo, yo. Peace out!”
9. Keep up with the tremendously ridiculous weed growth in the yard.
10. Beat Jason at cribbage (down 31 games so far).
11. Stop eating circus peanuts.
How about you?
Ha love it! I have many of the same cannot does (do’s, ACK????) except for the circus peanut thing…not one of my many favorite treats.
Comment by Shannon — July 8, 2009 @ 1:17 pm
These are hilarious!
Comment by Shelly — July 8, 2009 @ 1:49 pm
While I can skip a rock across the water, I sadly lack the ability to hula-hoop.
Comment by Tina B — July 8, 2009 @ 2:15 pm
I am jealous that you have a husband who will PLAY cribbage, even if he always beats you. Mine won’t and it makes me so sad.
Comment by Jess — July 8, 2009 @ 3:00 pm
I’m with you on the weeds. I think they’re advancing their lines while I sleep.
Comment by Whimsy — July 8, 2009 @ 3:00 pm
I cannot make a decision about the car to rent for my vacation. Of course it took me weeks before I decided where to go on vacation and then weeks to figure out which hotel to stay at, so I suppose taking my time to find the perfect rental car isn’t that big a deal. Right????
OK so apparently I cannot make snap decisions. Nor can I do #9 and what Tina B said. And I also, sadly, cannot for the life of me play cribbage. It’s the counting up the amount on the cards that sticks me. I cannot do simple math. I LOVE math. Favorite subject in school. Nearly majored in it in college. And yet simple arithmatic stops me cold. (audible sigh)
Comment by Emily — July 8, 2009 @ 3:10 pm
The weeds. The last tactic I tried was effing BORAX, and even that couldn’t stop them. I just…I don’t know what to do.
Circus peanuts? Really? Maybe the problem is that I’ve never actually seen a FRESH circus peanut.
Comment by Tessie — July 8, 2009 @ 4:16 pm
Why oh WHY have I never used my dogs’ paws to lay down a beat and then have them rap while they are sleeping? Swear to God, I’m doing it tonight.
Oh, and I can’t do LOTS of things. Especially juggle. And I so badly want to juggle.
Comment by Miz S — July 8, 2009 @ 5:12 pm
I can’t seem to warm up to my daughter’s new pet guinea pig.
Comment by Nowheymama — July 8, 2009 @ 6:22 pm
HEE!! I love the thought of you making Shorty rap. We sing to our dog all the time, but we’ve never made him sing back!
I’m with you on the weeds. I have given up trying…it is far too hot and I am far too tired to spend hours out in the sun battling them. The yard will just have to look crappy until Fall, I fear
My poor husband will be so embarrassed.
Comment by velocibadgergirl — July 8, 2009 @ 8:32 pm
You should also post a list of things Shauna CAN do—and number one is making people smile!
Comment by Cranny — July 8, 2009 @ 11:34 pm
Ahh…the angry sailor routine is one I’m quite familiar with.
I also cannot touch my tongue to my nose and I find it very frustrating. Is that weird?
Comment by sarah — July 9, 2009 @ 6:17 am
Hey, I’m impressed you wear mascara at all.
Comment by Ellie — July 9, 2009 @ 8:13 am
argh, i can’t find shorts that work either. i am ALL ABOUT THE SUNDRESS this summer.
i cannot make myself get up and exercise before work more than once ever 6 months. it’s unfortunate.
Comment by Alice — July 9, 2009 @ 10:48 am
What are the things that Jason cannot do?
*I can skip rocks
Comment by Michelle — July 9, 2009 @ 10:53 am
I’m catching up here and just want to say YOU WERE IN ST. LOUIS?!
You should have EMAILED. I would have had you OVER. Srsly. Would have loved it. Or maybe that’s wierd and stalkerish of me. And also I think you were here when we were in Florida. NEXT TIME, mkay? (Unless this whole proposition comes off as creepy, in which case, just ignore.)
Comment by erin — July 9, 2009 @ 12:52 pm
TeeHee, I am also an angry sailor, or trucker, if you will, while driving.
Comment by Saly — July 9, 2009 @ 12:53 pm
Stop eating Chocolate chex. Thank god the grocery store ran out.
Comment by Slynnro — July 9, 2009 @ 11:07 pm
It’s probably just me, but when you said ‘weed growth’…hehe. I can’t say no to my sister. Or at least almost never. It gets me into frustrating situations sometimes.
Comment by amber — July 10, 2009 @ 3:22 pm