Alone, but definitely not lonely
I know I’ve said this before, but I crave alone time. I need it, just as much as I need the air I breathe and the Mountain Dews I drink.
My new job means less alone time; I’m in a high-profile desk area, so people are constantly dropping in, there’s a lot of lunch meetings and a lot of working through lunches, and I didn’t realize how much I came to depend on having my lunch hour to decompress and be alone with my thoughts, but I DID.
I tend to flee to my car most days now, to ensure I don’t get interrupted or asked to do something that could’ve waited until later or could’ve been done earlier if the person asking wasn’t such a procrastinator.
I drive to a nearby park with my portable lunches (currently salami and cheese sandwiches, which signify summer to me), where I find a nice shade tree to park next to, pull out a good book, and read. It is heaven. The days I can’t leave the office seriously affect my mood. I get home and Jason’s there, and all of a sudden it seems like I have NO SPACE. We made lasagna this weekend and I kept subtly trying to remove him from the kitchen by telling him I had it under control, and yet he kept hovering and I was about to say, “Seriously. LEAVE THE AREA,” before he commented on how much he liked cooking with me and wanted to help pour the sauce on the noodles. Which made me think: OH. That is really sweet. Sorry I am such a witch.
I don’t like feeling that way; a little bit claustrophic, a little bit tired of seeing people and hearing noise everywhere I go. I need quiet and I know sometimes I have to be proactive in asking for it, whether it’s at home with Jason (who is awesome about giving me space and quiet once someone actually gets her act together and requests it) or at work, where I’m starting to feel comfortable enough telling people, “You know what? I’m on lunch right now, but since you don’t need this right away, I’ll have it to you by 1:00.”
And luckily, this weekend we’re going camping for the first time this season and I am looking forward to it so much. The weather forecast calls for rain (of course) but I am going to use my mind powers to make it sunny. Do not doubt me.
So, are you the type of person who craves constant contact with people or do you crave alone time? If you do, how do you spend it? And if you don’t, what are you doing this weekend? (Can you tell I find it insane that it is only Tuesday?)
BIG YES on the lunchtime. If I don’t physically leave the office for lunch (even with co-workers), I get mad and start hating everyone I work with. Working through lunch or somebody scheduling things so that I don’t get to go to lunch until 1 or later REALLY PISSES ME OFF. (Fortunately, it doesn’t happen very often.) As far as alone time at home, I usually either say that I want to read for a while, or just grab a book and plop in the recliner. Hubby gets the message that I need to read for a while and shepherds the children out of the living room.
Comment by Shelly — May 19, 2009 @ 11:50 am
I always need some alone time. Thankfully, A. and I have a few hobbies that do not cross paths, so that helps.
I miss having my own office at work SO VERY MUCH. I currently share an office with someone who regularly shares TOO MUCH INFORMATION.
Comment by Artemisia — May 19, 2009 @ 12:27 pm
Oh god, this is so my problem right now. I went from having my own office for 3 years to sharing a work room with 2 other people. I like almost everyone, but still. Tough to deal.
Comment by slynnro — May 19, 2009 @ 1:37 pm
I relish my alone and quiet time. In general, I like total silence when working. At home I like to have the house to myself at times, although that rarely happens. Every evening I need to quiet time before bed, and my husband has finally learned to leave me alone. When I really need out of the house, I go to Macy’s by myself and have an iced tea and Mandarin salad. The lights are dimmed, no blaring music overhead, and wonderful food. I wish I was there right now ….
Comment by Grimmie — May 19, 2009 @ 2:03 pm
When I was still married, I would dread going home somedays cause I knew my husband would want to be right up under me. Seriously, I would have to sit right beside him on the couch. If I was going to be gone for the evening without him, he would go to a friend’s house because he absolutely did not like to be alone. I LOVED the evenings when he was out of the house. Now that we aren’t together anymore, I am thrilled to be living alone. I love my alone time. I look forward to going home everyday just to have peace and quiet.
Comment by Tina B — May 19, 2009 @ 2:13 pm
I HAVE to have my alone time. I don’t really do anything with it– usually I just hole up in my room and surf the internet or watch a movie or something, but if I don’t get it… watch out, world.
Comment by seven — May 19, 2009 @ 7:39 pm
I require alone time. I don’t get it at home much with 4 other (needy) people always pawing at me. At work, I have my own office, but I spend a lot of time in meetings and I rarely have time to take a proper lunch break. I usually get my solitude by running errands by myself in between dropping kids off/picking them up from their various activities.
Comment by LoriD — May 20, 2009 @ 7:25 am
I’m one of those annoying people who doesn’t need or want to be alone, like, AT ALL. My poor husband…. he needs it and I just can’t get it through my thick skull. I hope he can learn to just ask for it.
Comment by Gretchen — May 20, 2009 @ 7:54 am
Alone Time. And lots of it. And I don’t get nearly enough. So I read. I get alone that way — in my own little head.
Comment by Ellie — May 20, 2009 @ 8:08 am
I think I would go crazy if I didn’t get ample amount of alone time. This is why I don’t care of my husband goes to band practice several times a month. I need my alone time, he needs his music. It works perfectly! I usually spend my time watching “my shows”, reading, or doing something crafty.
Have fun camping! I hope we can do the same in a few weeks! This weekend is super busy though. Wedding out of state, neighborhood cook-out, neighborhood golf outing. Fun stuff!
Comment by Sara — May 20, 2009 @ 8:11 am
hahaha, I am in the same boat. But, I am never afraid to push Rob away and say “I neeeeed some space!”
Comment by Grace — May 20, 2009 @ 8:56 am
I definitely need alone time, but you know what’s strange? Torsten doesn’t count. Like, he can be there and for me it’s still alone time. So I think what I really need isn’t so much alone time as it is time when I can just lie around doing nothing and not worrying about anything and generally doing what I want and acting how I want. And that I can have with Torsten as well.
Comment by Jess — May 20, 2009 @ 9:17 am
I LOVE alone time but rarely get it what with the kids and the fact that my husband now works an 8-5 M-F schedule like me. He used to work nights and that was great – I could watch whatever I wanted on TV or go to bed early or WHATEVER. Now, he’s there, bugging me ALL THE TIME. Wow, I sound like a shrew. Oh well.
Comment by nonsoccermom — May 20, 2009 @ 10:25 am
I love alone time, when I can get it.
Comment by Nowheymama — May 20, 2009 @ 10:48 am
I sneak an extra half hour or so into my lunches so I can get a proper nap in after eating. Lunches are the best times for aloneness
Comment by Parkingathome — May 20, 2009 @ 11:29 am
I am a freak without alone time, which I haven’t been getting for months. (long story I am not blogging about) It’s about to drive me insane and I know I am very much bitchier than normal. I want time with just me, no husband, no kid, and sometimes even no cats/dogs. I rarely get away with no pets, but sometimes having someone (2 or 4 legged) on me/near me/wanting me 24/7 makes me want to scream.
Comment by Shelly — May 20, 2009 @ 11:57 am
I am a horrid witch when I don’t get alone time. Seriously. I become the meanest person EVER!
Comment by Sarah — May 20, 2009 @ 12:02 pm
i’m kind of a weirdo, because not only do i not really need alone time, i don’t even WANT or LIKE alone time. i spend the entire time thinking about how other people must be having fun somewhere else and i’m not there.
Comment by Alice — May 20, 2009 @ 12:20 pm
I have a sign at my desk that states “lunch” do you honestly think people leave me alone? Heck no, they bug me even if I have my I-Pod on and have ear phones in. I love my down time/alone time, some people just don’t get it.
Comment by Michelle — May 20, 2009 @ 12:57 pm
Um. Yeeeees. Alone time? Essential. And I had one of those high profile desks and work that involved constant contact with other people. I got really nasty sometimes. Fortunately they thought I was just being funny.
Luckily, my husband understand that I have a Daily Recommended Allowance of Alone Time and he backs off and let’s me have it…since I’m so much a nicer person afterwards. But the enjoyable cooking together–so sweet.
Comment by M — May 20, 2009 @ 1:24 pm
I like having people around, but if it is 100% of the time I go a little nuts. I absolutely need *some* alone and quiet time. I always end up scoring strangely on those introvert/extrovert questions that they include in every personality type test.
Comment by My Buddy Mimi — May 21, 2009 @ 10:08 am
I’m alone a lot. Live alone (unless you count doggie) and I LOVE it. Since I’m alone so often I some times crave social time. But that’s not very often. More likely I’ll go nutty if I’m getting too bombarded and need to get the hell away from all other human life. Anti-social that’s me!
Comment by Emily — May 21, 2009 @ 5:10 pm
Oh my gosh…I have to have some alone time. Of course that is virtually impossible with a 19 month old and being a stay at home mom, but even if I can catch a 20 minute shower in peace or cook dinner it’s enough to decompress and give me that mental break I need. If I don’t get it I feel like I’m going to implode.
Comment by froggylady — May 21, 2009 @ 7:55 pm
I’m trying to catch up on blog reading after a bit of an absence… but I wanted to go back and say YES YES YES on the alone time. Must have it.
Comment by Whimsy — May 24, 2009 @ 11:49 pm
Crave alone time most of the time. My day off is Tuesday and the kids are in school and husband at work. I like to read read read or occasionally go into the city and putter through the bookstores and art museums, eating whatever I want. Sometimes I’ll catch an indie flick, too. I try to do things no one else wants to do with me and that makes it more special somehow. Sometimes I actually crave a visit to the art museum.
This is my first visit to your site and it is thrilling to find someone who understands how comforting it is to be alone. My family doesn’t get it.
Comment by Cranny — May 27, 2009 @ 7:39 pm
OMG ME TOO. I get FRANTIC, like I’m drowning or can’t breathe or whatevs. I often—OFTEN—hide in the bathroom for a little while, or go down to “cycle the laundry” and stay there for awhile. When I was working, I used to “go to the stock room for something” and just stand there for a bit, or I’d hide in the bathroom. On my breaks I’d go to my car whenever it wasn’t too hot, because OMG PEOPLE TALKING TO ME EVEN ON MY BREAK.
Comment by Swistle — May 30, 2009 @ 8:28 pm
Funny, I have been thinking about this a lot over the last week. I LOVE being alone. I REALLY REALLY need alone time, and when I manage to get it (which is hard with 4 kids), it’s never enough. I think I need an entire week away from home ALONE, but I don’t think my husband would 1) go for it, or 2) be able to handle the kids without help for that long. So I have to settle for about an hour or so each weekday until school ends, at which point I’ll have to hide in the bathroom or make up errands to get any.
Comment by Fiona Picklebottom — May 31, 2009 @ 9:21 am