L-M-N-O-Pee
So, this morning I drove clear across the Twin Cities to pee in a cup not once, but twice. I like to be thorough. Why did I do this? Because I got a new job.
While helping Jason look for work, coupled with the slowness of my current Workplace, and calculating the odds that I could survive another round of layoffs, I decided to see if there was anything out there for me.
There was, I applied, life moved on. Then the phone rang, I got an interview and things got interesting. A week later, I accepted a new position. Then I immediately started freaking out by asking Jason such ridiculous things like, “I do have a new job, right? I’m not going to give my notice at my current job, show up at the new one, and have the receptionist stare at me blankly, right?” (I think Jason deserves some kind of Patience While Dealing With Wife’s Inane Questions medal.)
I gave my notice at work yesterday. It’s really going to be hard leaving because the people were wonderful and the position was perfect. But this new position is even more perfect and I’m sure the people are going to be just as wonderful.
Plus, they outsource their drug testing to a nice, patient man. When I went to take my test, he handed me an enormous cup with a line drawn at the halfway point. “Fill it to here,” he said. Of course, I DIDN’T, so I got to spend an hour in the waiting room chugging tiny paper cones of water (“Don’t drink more than 10,” the guy admonished, so I drank 9½).
When it came time for Round 2, I STILL didn’t get it to the line and that was when I panicked. “I didn’t make it this time, either!” I practically shrieked at the guy when I emerged from the bathroom, convinced he thought I was tampering with the sample.
After a few tense moments of hanging over his shoulder watching him fill the vials right up to the minimum-needed line, he assured me I was OK. Thank god.
The kicker is that I’ve been back to work for less than an hour, and I’ve already gone TWICE, both times enough to fill that stupid, giant cup tenfold. Ridiculous.
Wow–Congratulations!
Comment by Nowheymama — March 24, 2009 @ 10:45 am
CONGRATS on the new job! I hope it’s WONDERFUL!
Comment by Shelly — March 24, 2009 @ 10:49 am
Congrats! I am very, very impressed with your ability to grab life by the horns, my dear. I hope this move is full of only good things.
What is it about having a Pee Goal, determined by SOMEONE ELSE, that makes the whole task IMPOSSIBLE?
Comment by Artemisia — March 24, 2009 @ 10:57 am
That is EXACTLY how I felt when I accepted my new job: PARANOID.
Congrats!
Comment by slynnro — March 24, 2009 @ 11:27 am
Oh congratulations! This is just wonderful!!!
And dude, the guy dealing with all the pee? I wonder how often HE looks for another job.
Comment by Whimsy — March 24, 2009 @ 11:29 am
Panic and paranoid feelings are normal when we take one foot off the dock (Present) and the other one is in a boat moving away (unknown). You will be fine and make more nice friends.
Comment by Horseman — March 24, 2009 @ 11:37 am
Congratulations! I had the same thing happen to me during a drug test, and they made me sign paperwork stating that I had a “shy bladder.”
Also, my daughter used to sing H-I-J-K-elephant-Peee. I was kind of sad when she switched to the correct lyrics a few weeks later.
Comment by My Buddy Mimi — March 24, 2009 @ 11:50 am
That is awesome! Congrats! Should I clarify the congratulations?? Not for peeing in the cup and making enough pee to fill the viles but for the new job! Cannot wait to hear more about the job!!
Comment by Christina — March 24, 2009 @ 11:57 am
How exciting for you! I mean the new job, not all the peeing. Because if the peeing is that exciting for you, then you definitely need to get a life even more than me!
Comment by Shelly — March 24, 2009 @ 12:27 pm
Congrats! on the new gig. Change is good.
Comment by Kerri Anne — March 24, 2009 @ 12:56 pm
Congratulations!
Comment by jean — March 24, 2009 @ 1:31 pm
Congratulations on the new job!!
Comment by Penny — March 24, 2009 @ 1:44 pm
Congratulations on the new job! Very exciting!
When I was hired as a bus driver in college, I had to pee in a cup also. But I have major pee-performance anxiety in such situations and couldn’t do it. The first time it took me too long so the pee got too cold (I DO NOT KNOW) and then I couldn’t pee enough and GAH! TRAUMA! Incidentally, I did finally manage to fulfill the Stringent Pee Requirements. TWO HOURS LATER.
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Comment by Angie Bailey — March 24, 2009 @ 3:01 pm
Congratulations!!!!
Comment by Shannon — March 24, 2009 @ 3:11 pm
Yay for new jobs! It’s sort of amazing that you can leave a job you love (though the ventilation system could use some work) for a new job you’ll probably love.
When I came back to my new work, I kept thinking they were just messing with me. I was thinking “no, I burnt too many bridges, and I’ll show up and they’ll be all ‘just kidding mother effer!’ and punch me in the baby” but it didn’t happen. And life is much better.
Let’s all give a contented sigh for better jobs.
Comment by Parkingathome — March 24, 2009 @ 4:20 pm
That peeing in a cup thing is NOT easy! I love the fact that you drank 9 and a half cups of water. Cracks me up!
Comment by Emily — March 24, 2009 @ 5:34 pm
Congratulations on the new job!
It’s sounds like very exciting times – and how great to find something even more perfect than what you already had…that was wonderful! Awesome….and rare!
Comment by Breathin' — March 25, 2009 @ 6:10 am
Yay! So exciting! And when I got offered that new job in Denver, I felt the same way. OMG this is real, right? Made worse by the fact that I hadn’t actually met the people.
Congrats!
Comment by Jess — March 25, 2009 @ 10:04 am
EXCITING!! haha, and i totally feel the same way whenever i’ve given notice. like, maybe i HALLUCINATED the other job, and i just quit with NO BACKUP PLAN?? OMG WHAT IF I DID THAT??? tell jason he’s very good for being patient, and.. um… i think a lot of husbands have to deal with the same thing
Comment by alice — March 25, 2009 @ 12:00 pm
Sounds like a bad dream, or a scene from a movie:
“I’m not going to give my notice at my current job, show up at the new one, and have the receptionist stare at me blankly, right?”
Comment by Ellie — March 26, 2009 @ 6:41 am
I have serious pee anxiety when someone is expecting me to perform. I don’t think I’ve ever filled the cup on the first go. They’re used to it, I assure you. Good luck with the job!!!
Comment by Tink — March 26, 2009 @ 9:20 am
Congratulations on the new job! I’m even more impressed that you can pee on command.
Comment by julie — March 27, 2009 @ 1:21 pm