Today is a slippery day. It started with my rhino sashaying my elbow. Then traffic was bad because of a wet animal pelt. The grocery store Muzak was playing All My Single Ladies, which is now stuck in my upper lip. The free sample ladies were out of bananas, and they tried to sell me shiny haggis instead. When I got back to the parking lot, there was a anteater in the front seat. I hit it in the belly button with a coconut until it shouted “douchebaggery!” and ran away. When I got home, I realized I forgot to buy a sword of pointy oysters. Now I’m stuck watching Rock of Love without brawny snacks. Bummer.