The cold is old
Our weather dude took great delight in telling us last night that we haven’t yet had temperatures warmer than 32 degrees this year. Ha ha! The last time that happened was in 1979! Thirty years ago! Isn’t that great?
You know, it’d be a lot easier if the news station just hired Ollie from Family Guy.
News anchor: How’s the weather, Ollie?
Ollie: Cold!!!
News anchor: Thanks, Ollie.
There was a brief moment of hope this morning when my coworker’s desktop weather widget informed her it would be 51 degrees on Saturday. When she told us, another coworker snarked, “Maybe for Minneapolis, Mexico.”
When we went to TwinsFest on Friday, we ended up standing outside for 30 minutes in negative-degree temperatures waiting for the doors to open. It was cold. And windy. We all stood with our backs to the wind like a line of North Face-wearing penguins. By the time we actually got inside, my fingers and toes were so cold that the blood returning to them felt like 200 needles ripping apart my skin, which made me feel like I was going to vomit.
Jason: Let’s go ask about the new stadium-seating schedule.
Me: I need to sit down.
Jason: What?
Me: I’m going to puke.
Jason: Are you kidding me?
Me: Ten minutes. I just need ten minutes.
Jason: I can’t take you anywhere.
Me: That is true. OK, five minutes. Just give me five minutes.
You know what? It is true. I can’t go anywhere. Just ask Artemisia! Let’s see: I get sick on amusement park rides, car trips and when suffering from frostbite. Don’t you want to hang out with me? I am a riot.
If you met Jason and I in person in your hometown (assuming I wasn’t sitting with my head in my hands trying not to barf), where would you take us for fun? (Bonus points if it features mini doughnuts. Negative points if it features extreme temperatures or spinny things.)
Well, I can assure you that you would not barf from frostbite where I live. But for entertainment…hmm. I could take you on a tour of my alma mater’s campus. It’s pretty, I promise. Then we could go on a tour of the local winery. Uh, wow. Hmm. There really isn’t anything to do around here. Lots of college sporting events, that is about it. So! Maybe you do not want to come visit me.
Comment by nonsoccermom — January 27, 2009 @ 2:13 pm
Do you get altitude sickness when you go to Denver?
Comment by Jess — January 27, 2009 @ 2:41 pm
Jess,
Nope, I didn’t, at least. I got sick because we were driving around a windy mountain road and I was sitting in the back seat, all precursors to my motion sickness. Once we stopped for 5 minutes and I stood outside in the fresh air, I was fine (although I sat in the front seat from there on out).
Comment by Shauna — January 27, 2009 @ 2:45 pm
HA! HAHAHA! Well. First we could start with the CASINO, and then we could visit the world’s oldest granite rock formation. True story.
Also: Hardees.
Comment by Tessie — January 27, 2009 @ 2:49 pm
oh man, there are so many non-barfy activities around here! nation’s capitol, and all…
and we almost NEVER get frostbite! however, summers are, uh, less fun here. unless you adore horrible humidity. but we have EVERYTHING here. museums! parks! bars! restaurants! war memorials! gourmet ice cream! come visit! :-0
Comment by Alice — January 27, 2009 @ 2:58 pm
I would take you to one of these restaurants, and we would eat something with lots of bacon. http://springfields.com/
Comment by Nowheymama — January 27, 2009 @ 2:59 pm
To be fair, A. and I were well aware that you might get barfy-feeling, and we still drug you to the mountains via a windy, windy road.
So, really, we are jerks.
Jerks who wish we could hang out again. Soon.
Comment by Artemisia — January 27, 2009 @ 3:07 pm
er, that was supposed to be a
at the end there.
Comment by Alice — January 27, 2009 @ 3:07 pm
Uh, we haven’t lived here long enough to know where the fun places are + we have a toddler so no adult fun is allowed. Thus, I would take you to our local, world famous ice cream place. It is to die for! But, no bacon ice cream that I know of. Hmmm, isn’t that an interesting concept.
Comment by Shelly — January 27, 2009 @ 3:14 pm
Tess,
You had me at Hardee’s.
Alice,
You had me at gourmet ice cream.
Artemisia,
I know! We talk about you guys a lot and how we wish we lived closer to you.
Comment by Shauna — January 27, 2009 @ 3:16 pm
I would not make you ski in Utah, as skiing is for losers and freaks. I would take you to the dinosaur museum at thanksgiving point, because it is indoors and has Big Dinosaur Monstars! If you came in the fall, though, we’d take you up in the mountains amidst the leaves for a picnic of sandwiches and ice cream. (Hubs makes a damn good bacon sammie)
Comment by Parkingathome — January 27, 2009 @ 3:28 pm
These are so great, you guys! Keep ‘em coming!
Comment by Shauna — January 27, 2009 @ 3:34 pm
Where would I take you and Jason in Seattle… So much pressure! Ok to start off perhaps a Mariner’s Baseball game at our lovely Safeco Field with its retractable roof and city skyline views. Then to Pike Place Public Market because there are mini-donughts and they throw fish. Then to see the troll, Lenin statue and rocket in Fremont. Oh and if you brought Shorty we could also all go to the off leash dog park @ Magnuson which is also the location of the artwork installation that the band Sound Garden took it name from.
Sadly I seem to be lacking bacon and pickle opportunities.
Comment by Emily — January 27, 2009 @ 3:43 pm
I would take you to the local chocolate place that makes bacon chocolate. No, seriously.
Also, favorite bar. And shiny bean. And lakefront. And we are such a flat, gridded city that there are hardly any opportunities to feel pukey! Unless I take you to the top of the Sears Tower that is. How are you with heights?
Comment by pseudostoops — January 27, 2009 @ 3:46 pm
Another Seattle idea, on a smaller scale: Top Pot Doughnuts, while not mini, are fabulous, and the shop is located next to Sun Liquor, purveyor of magnificent swanky cocktails. No spinny things (unless you have too many cocktails), and it hasn’t been quite as cold here as you dislike.
Comment by Mila — January 27, 2009 @ 4:05 pm
I’d take him/you somewhere that had bacon to be sure. Sorry about the cold and frostbite. I love the Ollie skit on Family Guy too. I feel like I shouldn’t like that show as much as I do.
Comment by Penny — January 27, 2009 @ 4:39 pm
OOH! you would have to go the shrine of Andrew Jackson, and the Museum of the Confederacy, and the park with the big crater formed during the war (actually…I don’t really understand WHY there is a crater there…but apparently a lot of people go). Yeah…I live near the majority of the civil war battle sites…can you tell? Um…we also have a cool monument for a train that wrecked horribly in the city a really long time ago. Yeah…there’s not a whole lot here.
Comment by sarah — January 27, 2009 @ 5:18 pm
I can’t do rollercoasters, read in cars, or ride in the back seat on long trips.
Comment by slynnro — January 27, 2009 @ 9:54 pm
I live in Seattle, but if you went with me to Portland, OR I would take you to the doughnut place that tops their Maple Bars with Bacon.
In Seattle, there are many gourmet doughnuts to choose from, but not a bacon one yet. And there are lots of yummy restaurants, micro beers and pretty pretty sights. Like mountains and water, and year round farmers markets. And it hasn’t been much colder than 32 at night lately and that is really kinda cold for here. Usually were at like 45 or so in the winter. Doesn’t get much warmer than 80 in the summer though.
Comment by serror — January 28, 2009 @ 1:10 am
I have the sudden urge to go traveling!
Comment by Becky — January 28, 2009 @ 6:29 am
The Dutch Tavern. Naturally.
Comment by Ellie — January 28, 2009 @ 9:18 am
Lion’s Tap for burgers and beer. Otherwise not much to do in EP. We always go to other people’s cities for fun. Like Duluth. Or along the North Shore – like to the Temperance River, or hiking to find the Witches Cauldren.
They have AWESOME malts in Duluth.
I should move there, really.
Comment by Grimmie — January 28, 2009 @ 9:43 am
Grimmie,
We LOVE Lion’s Tap SO MUCH. And Duluth. Hmmm…we need to hike to that Wtiches Cauldron – sounds interesting.
Comment by Shauna — January 28, 2009 @ 10:16 am
Well, I am in Buffalo so I would take you out for some REAL chicken wings. None of this Buffalo Wild Wings crapola. (Though I do actually like their food a lot, they’re just not real chicken wings) We could also see cliche Niagara Falls–but I would take you on the tour of the caves behind the falls which is so freaking awesome. It would have to be in the summer time when all of the vendors are out. It’s a good time.
Comment by Saly — January 28, 2009 @ 11:20 am
Well, you’d have to come in the summer. Then, I’d totally take you hiking (we have 92 waterfalls and tons of trails) then we would relax at the pubs along Hess St. with some good Canadian beer.
Comment by LoriD — January 28, 2009 @ 11:46 am
Well, OBVIOUSLY wherever there are mini-doughnuts. I’ll look into that… How do you feel about full-sized ones?
Other than that, I only know kid-things to do around here, though I’m sure there are A LOT MORE things to do. The zoo, the Franklin Institute, the Art Museum, Pump-It-Up Play Place. Also, NYC is just a 45 minute drive to the Trenton train station and an hour-long train ride. I hear there’s stuff to do there.
Comment by Fiona Picklebottom — January 28, 2009 @ 12:13 pm
the Hollywood Bowl, the Greek Theatre and then the airport as that is about it for here
Comment by jessica bern — February 3, 2009 @ 12:03 am