Pickles & Dimes

Last night I woke up both myself and Jason by rubbing Jason’s head. “What are you doing?” he whispered to me. “Oh. Sorry,” I say, disoriented. “I think I thought your head was Shorty’s belly.”

It’s Jason’s turn to let Shorty out in the morning. I hear him open the kennel and whisper to Shorty, who sounds as if he is not moving, not anytime soon. Jason leaves the room to refill the water bowl, Sunny yowling for food at his feet. I finally hear Shorty’s collar jangle as he shakes off sleep and comes out of the kennel to s t r e t c h. I hear him padding down the hallway as he comes around the corner to sit next to the bed and say good morning to me.

I ask, “How did you sleep, buddy?” just like I do every other morning when I’m not on a.m. pee patrol. He waits until I get closer and then licks my forehead before trotting obediently back to Jason to go outside.

While they’re out, I feed the cats, mocking Sunny’s exaggerated hunger and obnoxiously loud “MEYOW” that threatens to puncture my eardrums.

It starts raining hard on the drive in to work and dozens of brake lights turn red simultaneously when the drivers become alarmed by moisture on their windshields. God, that first snowfall is going to suck.

Work is slow. Like, really slow. I think something’s wrong with my computer clock before I realize, nope, I really have only been here for 90 minutes.

I brought my lunch, but find out it’s chicken dumpling soup day at my favorite deli. I walk in the back entrance to find the resident cat. It’s solid black, with crossed eyes. I pet it until it purrs and tickle its back paws. It takes a swipe at me – it still has its claws.

I’ve been slow all morning but during lunch I get a frantic phone call from an account manager. They have a presentation in less than an hour and need a 40-page document edited before then.

I have a headache.

I still have fours hours left of work.

I can’t wait to drive home, to have two starving cats greet me at the door, to let Shorty out to run and run and run in the yard, to greet Jason when he gets home, to cook a pizza for dinner, to cuddle on the couch with a blanket watching the Twins take on the hated White Sox, to just chill.

And to have a night of sleep where I’m not mistaking my husband’s head for a pet’s belly.

To Jess and Torsten:

May you guys have a wonderful marriage full of many years of laughter and love.

Love,

Shauna & Jason

Last night, after Jason mowed the yard and I cleaned up inside, I went outside to shake out the bath mat. I opened the deck door and found Sunny poised to escape. As I bent down to shoo her away, I somehow managed to crack my forehead on the door edge.

This morning, the alarm rudely pulled me from my dream of giving a thumbs up to John McCain, in support of the beard he was sporting that the media was saying would hurt his chances of getting elected.

I pulled on a t-shirt and shorts and went to let Shorty out of his kennel. He is not a morning dog. I opened the kennel and gave him whispery affirmations: Let’s go, boy! Wakey, wakey, let’s give your leg a shakey! He opened one eye, groaned and went back to sleep. I reached inside and ruffled his head. He yawned, adding his infamous Yawn Squeak. I massaged his back. He made a move to get up so I stood up too.

That’s when I noticed my shorts were on backwards.

Shorty was back asleep. I finally coaxed him awake and as he shook himself off and headed outside, I realized I wasn’t wearing my glasses.

The wind was warm, our solar lights still on. I rubbed my forehead and felt the pain from my head-bashing incident last night. Shorty did his business in record time and ambled directly back to his kennel, my cue to turn the lamp back off so he could get some more shut-eye. I looked in the mirror. There was a red mark on my forehead. Plus, I was breaking out. (It’s Jason’s 15th high school class reunion this weekend – I am stepping up my game here.)

After getting ready for work, I stepped into the bedroom to grab my purse – and immediately mashed my toes into the corner of the wall.

Today’s going to need some band-aids.

• The feeling I get after filling up my car and seeing the gauge jump from “E” to “F”
• Seeing Shorty finally shake on command after spending a good week and a half teaching him while he stared fixedly at my treat-holding hand
• Giving my aunt the Scarf of Doom for her birthday and hearing her ask in a reverent tone, “Did you make this?”
• Having to burn at least 4 days of vacation before the end of the year or risk losing them. (Will be using them all at once)
• Kaitlyn Maher on America’s Got Talent
• Taking a big proactive step toward freelancing
• Having enough data in my fantasy football spreadsheet to start making educated guesses on top performers rather than having to rely on my own intuition, which is sadly absent
• Circus peanuts (still simultaneously gross and delicious)
• Waking up at 3:30 a.m. to find Abby snuggled next to me while Sunny secretly replaces my pillow with her 12-lb. bulk
• Pumpkin-scented candles