TGIF, because he probably won’t make it to Saturday
I’m walking toward the back entrance of work on my way to lunch. I pass the office where Rick (not his real name), the oldest employee, sits and am immediately assaulted by one of his notorious coughing fits. He sounds like he’s gargling with wet hunks of meat while a sleeve of marbles rattles down his throat.
I turn to two coworkers, horrified. They both look equally disturbed; one sits motionless and wide-eyed while the other gamely brings a burger out of its wrapping. The loud, strangled hacking continues.
Rick suddenly appears. Even though his lung capacity must currently be somewhere around 12%, he is chatty.
“Wow,” he says. “This time of year makes me rattle-y.”
We stare forward, silent, collectively willing him to continue on his journey of going into the bathroom to hock his lungs into a makeshift spittoon.
“It’s the drainage,” he explains seriously, as my coworker with the burger sets it down disgustedly.
I make a noise that sounds vaguely sympathetic and sneak out the back door. When I return, Rick’s office mate is wearing his headphones.
And a mostly untouched burger sits on top of the trash.
Ewww. Eww! We had a coworker once who used to cough this loud, barking, annoying cough EVERY DAY at the same time each day. He said he had some noncontagious condition or something, but everyone else started requesting offices far away from his.
Comment by Penny — September 26, 2008 @ 3:11 pm
Dude, have you seen that card from someecards that says “Get well soon, because your cough is fucking disgusting!”? Heh. Hilarious.
Seriously, though. Eww.
Comment by Tessie — September 26, 2008 @ 4:23 pm
Oh Eww! I used to have a coworker that constantly farted ALL THE TIME in his cube. It smelled HORRIBLE over there. I was so happy when they moved my cube away from him. I can’t even imagine having sound effects like that all day. blech.
Comment by sarah — September 26, 2008 @ 4:34 pm
oh my LORD. that’s… hideous. wow. i’m.. so sorry. especially for the coworkers near him.
Comment by Alice — September 26, 2008 @ 5:05 pm
I’m not quite sure what to make of this one. Sad AND gross.
Comment by slynnro — September 26, 2008 @ 9:18 pm
Wow…that was really evocative. I mean, “I’m glad I ate my breakfast” kind of evocative. I don’t like thinking about phlegm, although I do love the way that word looks on the page.
Comment by manager mom — September 27, 2008 @ 8:12 am
Eeeeeeeeeew! I’m glad I ate already…
Comment by My Buddy Mimi — September 28, 2008 @ 10:32 pm
LOL! That is terrific. I love it when people try to explain away a really gross cold as something non-contagious. Does ANYONE ever believe those explanations?!
Comment by Shelly — September 29, 2008 @ 8:17 am
Ew EW!! Of course, today *I* am that coworker. And lo, it is disgusting. Apologies to any and everyone within earshot.
Comment by nonsoccermom — September 29, 2008 @ 8:29 am
Ewwww! Doesn’t being around a cough like that make you want to take a shower immediately? Ewwww.
Comment by julie — September 29, 2008 @ 11:57 am
Hahaha gross. For some reason, I was really glad you shared this. And yet: eww.
Comment by Jill — September 30, 2008 @ 7:28 am