Draggin’ fly
Yesterday I picked up Mr. Moderate Pneumonia Accompanied By A Small Pharmacy from the vet and as I settled him in the car, I heard a papery rustling sound. I figured a piece of paper was stuck in my air vent or something and pulled onto the freeway.
About 10 minutes later, a large green dragonfly started throwing itself against the windshield (from the inside). I thought to myself: “Cool, a dragonfly!”
I love dragonflies. In fact, a few years ago, I was very close to getting a dragonfly tattoo. But there would be pain involved, and money, and regret and shame when I’m 90, so…no.
Anyway, the dragonfly was out of my reach and after awhile, I forgot completely about it. As the miles ticked by, I amused myself by laughing at a homemade road sign posted along the freeway: I’VE GOT WOOD 4 U! Then I processed it again, this time through my 14-year-old juvenile male filter™ and laughed even harder. Heh. Wood 4 u!
Then I sang a little ditty to the dog, and it went a little something like this:
Shorty, Shorty, you’re a good dog
You sound like a goose and sleep like a log
Shorty, Shorty, you’re a great dog
What’s that in your throat? Why, it’s just a frog!
(It needs a little work. And someone who can sing it at least 23% in tune.)
And then BAZAM! The dragonfly landed right on my forehead. And I did exactly what one would want to do when driving 80 mph (State Patrol Officers: I totally meant to type 70 mph): I released both hands from the steering wheel to bat frantically at my head while screaming like a ninny.
The Dragonfly Against Singing Horribly (DASH) landed on the driver’s side window, which I opened in the hopes it would get sucked out, and maybe some MIT engineer could explain exactly what went wrong, but according to my projected trajectory of the dragonfly, multiplied by the velocity of the moving vehicle, divided by the wind speed, and taking into account the low humidity level, the dragonfly did not get sucked out into the ether, but instead fluttered on the window edge for a few seconds before being blown off – and onto the window in the backseat.
I opened up THAT window and again, the dragonfly clung defiantly to the edge before finally letting go and being blown somewhere into the back of the car. I finished the rest of the drive doing my best Paranoid Horror Movie Character impression by jerking my head around every few moments to hopefully proactively catch it in the act of chewing on my neck, but I didn’t see another sign of it. A search and rescue mission at home revealed no sign of Attack Dragonfly, and I don’t dare continue my songwriting career until it’s found.
Awesome tune. And exactly the kind of retribution I would receive for composing my own little tune. Damn you UNIVERSE!
Comment by slynnro — August 15, 2008 @ 2:20 pm
OMG, I’m sorry but I was laughing out loud at this. The movie in my head of this happening is crystal clear.
One of the best things about living in FL was the dragonflies. There were so many of them and oh so pretty!
How is Mr. Shorty?
Comment by Shelly — August 15, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
AAAAAAAAAAAAACK. I would have freaked out!! I’m not afraid of dragonflies, necessarily, but they are BIG and BUZZY and that is NOT OKAY in my car while I am driving. EESH.
Comment by nonsoccermom — August 15, 2008 @ 2:41 pm
Hee-lair-ee-ous post! I can’t believe you managed to forget about the dragonfly in your car. Bugs freak me out while I’m driving. Not that I’m afraid of dragonflies, but still, I agree with nonsoccermom – they are BIG and BUZZY and I’m trying to drive!
And yes, how is Mr. Shorty? What’s the recovery looking like?
When he gets better are you going to be doing the whole dog-park thing? I just discovered a nice one that is FREE!
Comment by Me Today — August 15, 2008 @ 2:51 pm
This was FANTASTIC!!! Absolutely priceless. I loved it.
Comment by Shelly — August 15, 2008 @ 3:34 pm
Shelly and Me Today,
Shorty is doing better. He’s now eating, which makes us unbelievably happy. However, he still coughs/honks/brays so much that it appears to our neighbors we have adopted some kind of goose/donkey hybrid.
Comment by Shauna — August 15, 2008 @ 4:27 pm
This is totally something I would do. The dragonfly, the song, all of it.
Also, let’s both do the 30-day shred and then apply to go on “The Amazing Race.” (You WERE one of the ones who said they’d do it with me, right?) Instead of calling our team “Blogging Buddies” in the bottom left of the screen, we can be called “Buff Bloggers.”
Comment by Fiona Picklebottom — August 15, 2008 @ 5:45 pm
FP,
Yep, I would love to go on “The Amazing Race”! And “Buff Bloggers” – I love it!
Comment by Shauna — August 15, 2008 @ 5:50 pm
That MIT engineer probably also wants to mimic whatever adhesive is on the dragon fly’s feet. I can’t believe it actually hung on for that long.
Comment by My Buddy Mimi — August 15, 2008 @ 6:41 pm
What is it they say? “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy dodging a Killer Dragonfly?” Yes. That’s it.
Comment by Whimsy — August 17, 2008 @ 12:56 pm
That is hilarious! I once hit a parked car because I was waving both hands around trying to escape a bee that flew in the car window. Glad Shorty is feeling better.
Comment by Julie — August 17, 2008 @ 8:20 pm
i was at the pool today and there were 3 dragonflies that kept trying to land on me and/or my book. i kept thinking of you and how glad i was not to be driving at the time
glad shorty is doing a little better. i think it was probably your super-awesome song
Comment by Alice — August 17, 2008 @ 10:11 pm
I’m away for a week and you get a dog!? Congratulations!!!
Comment by Nowheymama — August 18, 2008 @ 1:02 pm
1. I have a dragonfly tattoo (which I hope to NOT regret when I’m 90)!
2. I had the EXACT experience in my car with a giant flying buzzing beetle! I’m sorry to say that I thought it was gone then it crawled out from my dashboard a few days later, at which time I pulled over and jumped out of the car.
Comment by stacie — August 19, 2008 @ 6:41 pm