“No, there is too much. Let me sum up.”
Day two of Broken Toe reveals dark purple bruising on two toes and down the side of Jason’s foot. Gnarly. He’s taped the toe, but still refuses to take ibuprofen unless I tell him to, like he’s afraid the Man Police will take away his Tough Guy badge. So he’s still planning on going golfing this weekend. Again, the need for a cane becomes more and more apparent! (Although the eye patch seems impractical for golfing.)
People at work are having conference calls on speaker phones throughout the office, and they’re not closing the meeting room doors. It’s annoying, and every time I close the door, five minutes later someone will either enter or leave the room and leave the door open again. All I hear is muffled, garbled voices babbling in loud concerned tones, so I’ve been amusing myself by pretending they’re stuck in a well.
There is a squirrel in our yard that I think is stalking me. I took the trash out last night, and as I stepped off our deck, I saw a large gray thing peeking at me through a hole in our gate. When I trotted after it to make sure Abby hadn’t made use of the .0138 seconds I had the door open, this giant squirrel sporting a poochy beer belly was staring at me. When it saw me, it darted behind a tree, but then immediately stuck its head out to watch me. I walked toward the trash bins and it sidled along the house and followed me with its beady little eyes, like a not-so-stealthy ninja rodent. After I got inside, it clambered on the deck to peer inside the window. You fail at subtlety, Spy Squirrel!
We’ve been having these teeny little beetle bugs in our house; one or two a day. I don’t mind them because as soon as you touch them, they play dead and then I make their fantasy come true. Last night, one was on the kitchen ceiling. I was too lazy to drag a chair over there, so I used an empty paper towel roll to knock it down. Only instead of knocking it down, I presented it with the fantastic opportunity to use the cardboard roll as a fun-filled slide that took it straight down my arm and into my cleavage.
It’s a warm one out there today, kids. Let my parents’ dog Sunny demonstrate the safest way to cool down:
Die, evil water sprayer thingy, die!
“…the Man Police will take away his Tough Guy badge.”
Crack me up!
Actually this entire post cracked me up!
Oh, and those beetle bugs…HATE those. I can’t remember what they are called, but you know how we ended up getting them? From our dog treats from Petco/PetSmart. Seriously, they were hatching in the dog bones. It was disgusting. And to this day I still find one or two every now and then linguring in my cupboards. So gross!
Comment by Me Today — August 1, 2008 @ 12:22 pm
i love everything about this post, starting with the title! yeah inigo
each little vignette made me chuckle. man police! people in wells! bugs in cleavage (sorry)! failure spy squirrels! manic dogs! so much awesome.
Comment by Alice — August 1, 2008 @ 12:41 pm
Love that picture!!!
Comment by Shelly — August 1, 2008 @ 12:42 pm
That photograph is ridiculous! I want that dog. But I’d rather not think about bugs in my cleavage, thanks.
Comment by Jess — August 1, 2008 @ 12:54 pm
O.K. sorry to be a pest, but this is freaky.
I was just dinking around on the ol’ internet and found this:
The Music Lists – DigitalDreamDoor
http://digitaldreamdoor.nutsie.com/pages/music0.html
Here’s meat for hundreds of hours of lively discussion: lists of the greatest rock guitar riffs, rock drummers, motown songs, rock songwriters, rap/hiphop artists, doo wop ballads, metal albums – you name it.
And thought of you AGAIN (I left a post on your brain block post). Once you click on the above link, you can find great guitar riffs at the top and click there. Then you can listen to some of them!
I’ll have you figure out that song if it’s the last thing I do.
Comment by Me Today — August 1, 2008 @ 4:06 pm
Me Today,
AWESOME – thank you! I know what I’ll be doing for the rest of the afternoon!
Comment by Shauna — August 1, 2008 @ 4:21 pm
You are the Queen of the Masthead.
Comment by slynnro — August 1, 2008 @ 5:58 pm
OK, the beetle thing would have FREAKED ME THE FUCK OUT. I would never be the same.
Comment by Fiona Picklebottom — August 1, 2008 @ 6:24 pm
That’s a fantastic photo!
Also, I will laugh at “like he’s afraid the Man Police will take away his Tough Guy badge” for the next WEEK. Poor Jason.
Comment by Erin — August 3, 2008 @ 7:58 pm
ha! the people trapped in wells was awesome.
Comment by Sarah — August 4, 2008 @ 8:53 am
AWESOME post! Especially the title! “Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” And that is a wonderful picture!
Comment by Shelly — August 4, 2008 @ 9:05 am
Ah, The Princess Bride. Quite possibly the BEST MOVIE EVER.
The toe sounds painful!! Make the poor man take some drugs!
And I would be horrified by the beetle down the cleavage. Well, not that I HAVE cleavage. But if I did it would be horrifying.
Comment by nonsoccermom — August 4, 2008 @ 9:23 am
There’s a squirrel in our ‘hood with no tail. Which makes him look suspiciously like a rat. Tails are crucial for squirrel-hood and he ain’t got one. Must be why he skitters about, looking around him for the Squirrel Police to come take away, well, you know.
Comment by Ellie — August 4, 2008 @ 11:22 am
That’s the most awesome dog picture I’ve seen in a while. That makes me want to get a dog.
Comment by Penny — August 6, 2008 @ 4:21 pm