How to buy a vehicle in 20 easy steps
1. Scour the online listings to gather potential trucks in the “have low miles and yet miraculously cost less than a million dollars” category.
2. Set up two test-drives with stereotypical cheeseball salesmen.
3. Climb into Jason’s car, which has no air conditioning.
4. Realize it is 92 degrees outside.
5. Try to determine on a scale of 1 to 10 how massively deodorant is failing. Conclusion: 10.
6. Get screwed by Mapquest and pass exit for car dealership.
7. Read road sign that says, “Construction. Right two lanes closed.”
8. Swear.
9. Sweat.
10. Test-drive a pickup at the BMW dealership. Feel salesman’s disdain at having to show us a non-BMW vehicle.
11. Drive to second car dealership. Try to forget that dinner has not been consumed.
12. Test-drive second pickup. Is awesome.
13. Remember that air conditioning does not work in car we’re offering as trade-in.
14. Pray non-pushy salesman offers us half the Blue Book value of $2400.
15. Dealer offers $2500.
16. Try to act nonchalant.
17. Fill out reams of paperwork.
18. Split a bag of chili cheese Fritos for dinner.
19. Drive home at 11:00 pm in new truck.
20. With air conditioning.
Hello, new truck!
Now there will no longer be the need for Tetrising our camping gear when loading the vehicle. Also, I can’t stop singing that stupid Toby Keith jingle: “I’m a Ford Truck MA-AN! That’s all I DRI-IVE!”
For reference, here’s Jason’s old car:
Adios, you unreliable heap!
Questions: Have you ever owned a lemon? What was it and what was wrong with it? And what’s the most mileage you’ve ever gotten out of a vehicle?
Jason’s lemon was a 2000 Saturn LS2. Not long after he bought it, it developed problems that couldn’t be fixed by the extended warranty (of course). And throughout the years, random lights would go on and noises would be heard, but the mechanics could never properly fix everything, so we could never depend on traveling more than 50 miles without fearing a breakdown.
For mileage, my 1996 Chevy Cav is at 168,000 miles. Has anyone ever hit 200,000+?
Yay! That is a sweet looking truck. (Holy cow, I am a Wyoming girl through and through, yes?)
How awesome that you got more than twice what you were hoping for with the trade-in!!!!!!!
We have 220,000+ miles on our Dodge Ram 1500. We’ve had to start putting money into it; probably $1,000 over the past two years. it has been a really, really good truck and A. beats the living hell out of it when he’s hunting and fishing.
I am waiting to look in the rear view mirror and see the transmission or engine lying in the middle of the road. Preferably, in the middle of a rough, gnarly, dirt road at least 50 miles from the nearest highway/cell phone coverage area.
I drove a 1986 Ford Thunderchicken in college and it was a piece-o-sheit. Horrible. I had at least 130,000 miles on it, I think. It left me stranded in the middle of nowhere, without cell phone coverage, regularly. I even gave it a brand new transmission and engine block. Bastard. HATED THAT CAR. To this day I hate owning a car. HATE.
Comment by Artemisia — July 8, 2008 @ 12:49 pm
My car is a 1998 Honda Civic. You may be familiar with it from my VARIOUS Angry Posts about it. However, it’s at 182k miles and still going. I mean, it’s BARELY going, but it’s going. It ALSO has no air conditioning. And the check engine light refuses to go off regardless of several visits to the repairman. Oh yeah, and it has numerous dents and makes a wheezing sound when I put it in reverse. And it’s missing the “H” emblem from the hood. Oh wait, and the cable to open the hood rusted off so I have to open the hood with a BUTTER KNIFE. Yeah, I would trade it in for an Orangina at this point.
Comment by stephanie — July 8, 2008 @ 12:50 pm
OH WAIT! And CONGRATS on the new ride! That was my WHOLE POINT!
Comment by stephanie — July 8, 2008 @ 12:52 pm
My sister reached 200K in her Toyota Corolla. I forgot what year it was, but it was such a great ride.
And can I tell you how awesome you are for using Tetris as a verb? I am stealing it.
Comment by kirida — July 8, 2008 @ 12:58 pm
Congrats on the new truck!!! My worst car was a 1980-something VW fox – a car that VW didn’t even make. It was a YUGO (sp???) but had been bought out by VW. The car only had four gears. And it leaked engine coolant INSIDE the car, so it always smelled like maple syrup. And then the heater stopped working altogether (it never even HAD air conditioning) – which can be very difficult, in Seattle, because it gets pretty chilly in the winter. So…. I finally got rid of it. I think the dealer gave me $50 for it when I finally traded it in.
Comment by Whimsy — July 8, 2008 @ 1:09 pm
i’ve got a 2001 honda civic with 110k on it so far, and thus far it’s been totally great to me. the warranty ended at 100k, though, so i’m waiting to see what goes horrifically wrong now that it’s no longer covered.
i’m DEFINITELY driving it into the ground, though. i’ll make it to 200k if i have to push it there.
SWEET TRUCK!!
Comment by Alice — July 8, 2008 @ 1:10 pm
Dude. I’ve reached the old DEUCE on my last TWO cars (1990 Dodge Dynasty and 1986 Buick Century). And I’m headed in the general direction with the 1998 Nissan Altima too. God willing and the creek don’t rise.
Ride em hard and put em up wet, that’s what I always say. Wait, NO I DON’T because that is GROSS.
Comment by Tessie — July 8, 2008 @ 1:13 pm
Tessie,
That is TOO weird – I always tell people I’m going to drive my car into the ground and I have to refrain from adding, “Because I drive it hard and put it away wet.” Good god. Must be a Minnesota phrase.
Whimsy,
Maple syrup? HAHAHHAHAHA.
Comment by Shauna — July 8, 2008 @ 1:21 pm
My parents have a Grand Marquis that they LOVE (they have a thing for boat-like white cars…which makes total sense when you live on a yucky dirt road…OH WAIT!). It’s got over 200,000 miles on it and has been pretty good to them engine wise, although the body is slowly falling apart.
I like your new truck! I want to trade Ryan’s car in for a truck, but we don’t really need one at this point. Of course, wait till winter and I’ll tell you a different story.
Comment by Becky — July 8, 2008 @ 1:27 pm
Congrats on the new ride — looks very nice!!
Comment by LA — July 8, 2008 @ 1:31 pm
I have no idea what year it was but two tone used Ford Tempo with cracks in the windshield, headlights that only worked when the high beams were on, and a broken tail light. Did I mention it was two tone? AND it would stall in the middle of things like intersections. AND the tires were bald, when I bought it?!??! OY, I hated that car. Those are just the external things I will not mention. Every thing leaked and was falling apart and by far the worst purchase ever on my part.
I have owned several cars that went over 100,000 miles (the Tempo, a ‘94 Corolla, an ‘89 Honda Civic, & a Lumina… those are the ones I can think of – possibly a Dodge Colt too.)
The Lumina was a lemon and it went over 200,000 when we finally got rid of it.
Comment by Christina — July 8, 2008 @ 1:43 pm
Ha! I cracked up when I scrolled down and saw that picture of a lemon. Too funny.
I plan on driving my 2002 Toyota 4Runner into the ground. I’m just under 100K with it right now after almost 7 years.
The car I had in college was a lemon. A 1998 Nissan 200SX. A total POS for sure. The radio had major issues and even ate a CD one time. I had to take it to the dealership to be removed. Then there were a bunch of other totally non-related problems. We were so glad to get rid of that thing a few years back.
Comment by nonsoccermom — July 8, 2008 @ 1:50 pm
I’ve driven two Cavaliers to 200,000 before I got rid of them. A 1992 and a 1999.
Comment by scrapdog — July 8, 2008 @ 1:56 pm
My beloved 2000 Honda Civic has 220,000 miles and is going STRONG! The biggest gripe I’ve ever had with it was that the driver’s side window stuck when I rolled it up. We finally had the window motor replaced this spring and it is now perfect! Oh! And I’ve hit two deer and had a small pickup back into me. It’s had 4 – count’em- 4 hoods. BEST CAR EVER! Congrats to you guys on the new truck. May it be as wonderful as my Civic.
Comment by Shelly — July 8, 2008 @ 2:17 pm
Every car I’ve ever owned has been a lemon, except the Corolla I have right now.
1982 Mazda 626- bought it for $600; probably worth $150. Died all the time, and when I got rid of it (GAVE IT AWAY, because who would pay for it?) it caught on fire like 2 months later.
1985 Mazda GLC- ran okay at first, but the driver’s seat was canted at a weird angle because my dad used it for deliveries and was in and out of it all the time, so I always felt like a hunchback when I drove it. Soon after I started driving it, it developed a serious case of the shakes. Also, the radio knobs weren’t tight enough or something, so sometimes if I went over a bump they would both fall, adjusting both the radio station and the volume. Priceless.
1991 Eagle Summit- (I know, nobody’s ever heard of those)I bought it from my parents, and they had never ever had a problem with it. It was the first car I owned that had a tape deck (!) that actually worked, so I was in heaven. Two days (I am not making this up) after I bought it, it started dying every time I came to a stop or even slowed down too much. The check engine light would not go off, no matter what, but no mechanic could ever figure out what was wrong with it. I replaced the main computer or whatever, and then it didn’t die all the time, but it accelerated so bumpily that people would ask if I actually knew how to drive a stick (Yes, thank you. It’s not me, it’s the car). Also, at one point I rear-ended someone and had to get a new hood… my car was white and the hood was teal. Also the hood was from a Colt instead of an Eagle Summit. I joked that its name was Pegasus (Eagle + Colt = Flying Horse), but it didn’t make me love it any more.
1965 Ford Falcon Futura- I bought this because after the Eagle episode I swore that my car would not have a computer. I wanted to look at the dashboard and only see a heater and that’s all, and that’s what I got. His name was Hank, and I loved him dearly. He was very nice on the inside, but I quickly found out that he was going to cost me a fortune. He got 11.5 mpg, and he broke down nearly every other week. I drove him for 3-1/2 years, and I probably shelled out almost ten grand altogether.
Now I drive a 1999 Toyota Corolla that has no personality and is indistinguishable from any other car on the road, but I’ve only had to fix a couple very small things in the year that I’ve had it. I guess a soulless car is the price you pay for not breaking down every few days.
Comment by seven — July 8, 2008 @ 2:19 pm
I’ve only owned one car, and it wasn’t a lemon, but the photo of the lemon made me laugh really hard. Congrats on getting a good deal on the trade-in. Enjoy the truck!
Comment by Jess — July 8, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
I had a Honda Accord in high school that had nearly 100K when I got it. I think I managed to put nearly 50K miles on it in the 2 years I had it (I lived in the middle of nowhere and drove ALL THE TIME). I don’t plan on doing that again if I can help it. Lease BMWs for life!
Comment by slynnro — July 8, 2008 @ 5:03 pm
I’ve never had a lemon, but my mom did when I was a kid. It was a Chevy, I think, but that’s all I remember, other than it was so bad that the dealership finally had to take it back.
Also, rode hard and put away wet is a common saying where I’m from, too. But there it’s usually used when you come home looking like hell, as in, “You look like you’ve been rode hard and put away wet.” It’s along the same lines as looking like something the cat dragged in.
Comment by Fiona Picklebottom — July 8, 2008 @ 5:42 pm
I have a 92 Honda Accord (with AC!) It has over 180,000 miles and has never let me down. I have full belief in Hondas, but mostly because I have an awesome and cheap trustworthy mechanic. But out here in Seattle you can’t turn around with outseeing a Honda.
My parents had a lemon. It was something like an 83′ Fiat. And I think finally they made the dealership take it back, but not after a long long struggle than included the new car breaking down several times when it was less than a year old.
Whimsy- That is so funny! My roomate in college had a FOX with no heat and holes drilled in the floor so the leaky windows had a place to drain. She loved it for some unknown reason.
Comment by Serror — July 8, 2008 @ 7:04 pm
NEVER BUY A VOLKSWAGON. We have owned two of them. When the first one went belly up after only two years we thought it was an anomaly. So we got suckered into getting a Passat. After year one we were plowing upwards of $3000 PER YEAR in repairs.
From now on, all we get are Hondas.
Comment by manager mom — July 8, 2008 @ 8:50 pm
My boyfriend’s 1997 Honda Accord had 275,000 miles on it when he just bought a new car, like, three weeks ago. Judging by all of the comments, it looks like Hondas are the way to go!
Comment by Stephanie — July 9, 2008 @ 7:00 am
GORGEOUS rig. How exciting! And, no, no lemons for me. Just the world’s best 1987 VW Vanagon “Westy”, our true and constant companion. 176k miles and counting…..
Comment by Ellie — July 9, 2008 @ 8:48 am
I like the new truck… I always think I would like a truck for things like hauling stuff to the dump, picking up lumber, etc.
I’ve never owned a lemon, but I’m on my second great car. My first was a 1995 Neon. I drove that thing into the ground. When Lisa was a baby, we finally sold it (for $500!) and traded up to a Toyota Matrix. Both really great cars, considering that I am the worst car owner ever – not good at regular oil changes, tire rotation, basic upkeep. I just fix stuff when it breaks.
Comment by LoriD — July 9, 2008 @ 10:57 am
Our Cavalier just hit 200250. o_0 Not that we haven’t put a few big chunks of money into it over the last couple of years (grr), but she’s still trucking along (so to speak).
Re. lemons: I had a Renault Alliance right out of college. Enough said.
Comment by Mila — July 9, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
Heee, lemon. Never had a lemon but heard plenty about them. Although my jetta wagon, I guess, is kind of on the edge of things. Lemon-esque, maybe.
Comment by Penny — July 9, 2008 @ 4:56 pm
OMG…I’ve had not one but TWO lemons and both were Saturns (1994 and 1995). The first lemon was replaced by the second lemon. With both of them, I could pull out into traffic and there would be no acceleration. One time, the car spent 3 weeks at the shop and they still couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I filed a complaint with the state and used the Lemon Law to return the car and get my money back. Then we just bought a Ford F-150, which I loved! Now we drive an Altima.
Comment by Julie — July 10, 2008 @ 11:12 am
Yay for your cute-hott new non-lemon!
I’ve never had a lemon of my own, but my parents had a Plymouth Valare that was a total, total lemon. Now they drive nothing but Toyotas and have never had a problem. I’m carrying on the grand tradition.
Comment by Swistle — July 10, 2008 @ 12:32 pm
I am now the closest I have ever been to driving a car in to the ground with a 2005 Ford Freestar (read, lame mini-van) at about 100k miles.
My 1st 3 cars were Ford Rangers. LOVE.
Comment by saly — July 10, 2008 @ 9:24 pm