Don’t worry, coworkers, I’m too small to sag
After having the bi-weekly debate with myself about, “Is wearing this summer top without a bra too revealing for the office?” I bought one of those ridiculous silicone backless bras from Target.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I bought into the illustrated cleavage on the box, which looked like it was supported by the bra in a very flattering manner, and I somehow figured this bra would be perfect for the long, flowy, low-backed summer top I was wearing today.
The “bra” consisted of two silicone “stickers” to be placed on your parts and hooked together via a plastic clasp. I applied one of the stickers and immediately remembered that it takes me 37 tries just to put on a Breathe Right strip correctly.
During my 8th attempt, Jason wandered by. “Is it supposed to be lumpy like that?”
“Could you NOT be observing this?” I hissed, as I frantically tried to smooth out the sticker’s bubbles. “Some things are better left to the imagination.”
“Wait,” he gasped, “why is everything so squished? I thought you got this so you’d look bigger.”
“GET OUT.”
This bra obviously outsmarted me. After three more failed attempts, I finally scrapped the whole thing and wore my top without any support from sticky silicone or curious husbands.
And I spent $7.99 to do it.
So…would it be inappropriate for me to ask “How’s it hanging?”
Comment by Julie — June 23, 2008 @ 1:51 pm
Hahahahahahahaha (gasps with knowing sympathetic laughter.)
Had a similar experience with a backless formal dress, as I was frantically getting dressed 15 minutes after we were supposed to have left for the event, frantically trying to smooth out air bubbles. It was not awesome. I went with band aids in the end.
BUT! I recently purchased one of the stick on kind from GapBody on sale and it is MUCH better.
Comment by pseudostoops — June 23, 2008 @ 1:59 pm
I had the exact opposite experience, after spending like $40 on one of those from Victoria’s Secret….there was extra boobage on the side, hangining over the top, looping around to the back….you get the picture.
You must have to be right in the middle, size wise to get them to work the right way.
Comment by Saly — June 23, 2008 @ 2:03 pm
I am also at the other end of the spectrum, too big to pull anything like that off. So I end up with my bra straps showing whenever I wear a cute summer top.
Comment by My Buddy Mimi — June 23, 2008 @ 2:09 pm
I’m with My Buddy Mimi and Saly - too big to even ATTEMPT that.
Comment by F.P. — June 23, 2008 @ 2:12 pm
hahaaaaaa. this is great, because those always look SO TEMPTING when i see them, except i’m like “really? those would… work?” and then get tricked by the picture and come thisclose to buying them. now i know: DON’T DO IT.
Comment by Alice — June 23, 2008 @ 2:14 pm
I don’t know what type of bra you are talking about. Geez, Shannon = fashion DUMB.
Comment by Shannon — June 23, 2008 @ 2:24 pm
I once fell into the same trap of buying a very similar bra (but it cost MORE than $7.99), and lasted a bit longer in it, until I noticed that the thing had rotated so one cup was still on my boob and the other one was hanging out down around my ribs. It was awesome.
But here’s to being small enough to go without!
Comment by Jess — June 23, 2008 @ 3:16 pm
Oh, shit. I’ve been tempted, but I don’t trust myself to figure it out. I can’t figure out hairdos that are more complicated than a ponytail (and even those turn out lumpy and frizzy, not smooth and shiny…).
I am sorry. I am even more sorry that you had an commentating audience. Oh, goodness.
Woo hoo for being small enough to go without! I love that. I figure if some male coworker is all wound up it is HIS PROBLEM, not mine.
Comment by Artemisia — June 23, 2008 @ 3:34 pm
Thank you for the reminder as to why sometimes it’s a benefit to be on the diminutive side of the boob size spectrum. Wahoo for us!
Comment by Emily — June 23, 2008 @ 3:37 pm
Huh. Stickers for your boobs. That doesn’t seem at all supportive to me either.
Comment by Penny — June 23, 2008 @ 3:45 pm
Funny that you mention it because I spent 20 minutes getting a demo on these from a fellow bridesmaid last weekend. I don’t think they were meant for D cup boobs.
Comment by slynnro — June 23, 2008 @ 6:06 pm
Yeah, I just wear a bra because the fabric fills me out a bit. Boob stickers is just something I’ve never had to consider, sadly.
Comment by LoriD — June 24, 2008 @ 10:10 am
I always go the band aid route- those bras intimidate me. I can barely figure out my nursing bras.
Comment by Sarah — June 24, 2008 @ 11:51 am
That’s what, you know, those little cheapy boob stickers are for. Or band-aids. I wore something similar to what you just described to my junior prom, only it had GLUE. When I took it off, it ripped off SKIN, and I had big raw glue patches for WEEKS. Uggggggggggh.
Comment by blacksheeped — June 24, 2008 @ 7:38 pm
I had to stop reading after you mentioned those bras, because honestly, my nipple probably wouldn’t be covered up by them. I so wish I had smaller boobs so I could wear cute shirts during the summer months. Instead I must dress like the Amish because there must be enough fabric to cover up the steel plated armor that makes up my bras.
Comment by Flibberty — June 25, 2008 @ 11:48 am