Post-baseball entertainment
Overheard after the game last night:
Husband: What’s wrong with grabbing some peanuts?
Wife: Nothing, only you got them from a bag you saw on the ground.
Husband: But I only took one.
Wife: Because I slapped your hand away! You had a whole fistful!
Husband: But what’s so wrong about taking some? They’re still in the shell.
Wife: It’s just gross. It was on the ground.
Husband: But still in the bag.
Wife: But you don’t know who was touching those peanuts. They could’ve been rubbing them all over themselves.
Husband: But it’s protected by the shell!
Wife: You wouldn’t pick sunflower seeds off the ground.
Husband: Well yeah, because someone might’ve put them in their mouth and spit them back out.
Wife: Well, some people suck the salt off peanut shells.
Husband: But this peanut was dry… So you’re saying you wouldn’t eat this peanut?
Wife, plus chorus of friends: NO.
Husband: But what if you grabbed it out of a freshly dropped bag?
Friend: How do you know the bag was freshly dropped?
Husband: Dude, don’t go poking holes in my theory! Anyway, it’s in a freshly dropped plastic bag, plus it’s still in the shell.
Everyone: NO.
Husband: But the shell is like… Nature’s Ziploc.
Everyone: NO!
But, if you put a Ziploc in a tub of water, its contents will still be dry. Can you say the same for the peanut? Ew. Maybe the bag was tossed aside because someone with a highly infectious disease sneezed on it. I mean probably not, but still… ew!
Comment by LoriD — April 18, 2008 @ 9:20 am
This is so, so Aaron. He eats stuff off of random places in our apartment all the time. And if I don’t finish drinking a soda or something, I just leave it out because he’ll come finish it off.
Comment by slynnro — April 18, 2008 @ 9:53 am
Ha! Switch out me for the husband and the wife for TM and you have my life. I’m the gross one round these parts.
Comment by banana — April 18, 2008 @ 10:28 am
that is SO AWESOME. i have a number of dude friends who would very earnestly participate in exactly this convo.
Comment by Alice — April 18, 2008 @ 11:23 am
Nature’s Ziploc! What a maroon! I’m totally on the wife’s side on this one.
Comment by Shelly — April 18, 2008 @ 12:46 pm
Hilarious! I totally want to go buy peanuts right now.
Comment by Emily — April 18, 2008 @ 2:37 pm
Ha! Why do I never get to overhear conversations like this one. Probably because I’m the one having them.
Comment by JMC — April 18, 2008 @ 6:57 pm
Oh, men. A. called me today 10 minutes before an interview to see if I knew WHAT JOB HE WAS INTERVIEWING FOR.
Lord.
Comment by Artemisia — April 18, 2008 @ 9:28 pm
Awesome. I’m actually kind of his side on this one, which shocks me to my core. But if they weren’t wet and it was in the bag… I mean, c’mon! Nature’s ziplock! How do you argue with that?
Comment by Sarah — April 19, 2008 @ 7:14 pm
I mean, I probably wouldn’t do it, but I don’t think it’s THAT weird. But I also knew dumpster divers (other college students) who would raid grocery store dumpsters for barely-expired cookies and “just a little old” lettuce. So maybe I’ve been desensitized.
Comment by blacksheeped — April 20, 2008 @ 4:02 pm
Nature’s Ziplock! Priceless!
Comment by amber — April 21, 2008 @ 12:35 pm
Nature’s Ziplock. That is a good point, I guess. But I wouldn’t have touched one.
Comment by PixelPi — April 21, 2008 @ 3:53 pm
I’ve eaten or licked worse things off the ground.
Comment by Jason — April 21, 2008 @ 4:50 pm