Pickles & Dimes

I’m at work. I’ve caught up with my projects left over from yesterday. The office is mostly empty due to a training session. My stomach feels light. I find a dollar and head downstairs to get a Sierra Mist to settle my stomach. The machine won’t take it. I feed it in once, twice, three times. On the way to the front desk to get change, my stomach cramps. I stop at the first aid kit, grab the strongest medicine I can find: acetaminophen. I duck into a bathroom. My stomach is killing me. Effing cramps. I try to throw up; the retching reduces the pain but not the nausea. I have nothing in my stomach to come up. I splash water on my face; my dark circles have come out in vivid rings under my eyes. My lips are gray. I retreat into the library, where there is a couch and a door. I have to close my eyes because I’ve gotten a piercing headache.

I don’t fall asleep, but when I finally feel OK, an hour has passed. I walk to my desk and find two things to work on. I feel bad, since one of the items is urgent. I finish them quickly, drop them off with the account manager and retreat again to the library. I should eat something, but my stomach feels rebellious. I stretch out on the couch again. It is cold in here; goose bumps quickly spread down my arms. I jiggle my foot like I do when I need to put myself to sleep. Another 20 minutes pass. I get up, unsteady.

I force myself to put on a coat and go outside. The sunshine feels glorious. It is warm and cool at the same time. I walk a block to a bar to get cash for the baseball game tonight. I walk another block and get the largest Sierra Mist I can find at a local convenience store. I brought lunch to work, but the idea of a nuked ham and cheese croissant makes me gag. I grab the only thing that seems neutral: a 3 Musketeers bar, the Swiss equivalent of lunch.

On a normal day, I’d go home, only today I’m not sure I can make the drive and tonight we’re going to another Twins game.

I will myself to feel better.

And slowly, I do.