Guess what? This will be the last masthead of its kind. Why? Because tomorrow the site will have a new look and will feature an Even! Larger! Masthead! And wider columns so that I can post Even! Wider! Photos! Are you excited? Because I am! (Jason: Whatever. Looks good.)
This masthead was a blast to make, mostly because I kept yelling out loud: “GodZILLA!!!” I originally thought Godzilla’s skin could be made of pickles, but 1) realized this was beyond my capabilities and 2) his skin is already green and pebbly and pickle-looking. So I decided to have him carry a jar of pickles on his rampage through Clipart City instead. And the dime’s head was supposed to be on a crowd of people, but I couldn’t get it to look realistic, so I decided to have just one (with a totally realistic, shocked expression).
The font is called “Evil of Frankenstein” from Dafont. The background is one of the default patterns in Photoshop (stained glass, I believe).
Some of you have asked about my clip art library, and after much searching, I’ve narrowed down my resources to two places. I get the majority of my clip art from Microsoft’s free clip gallery (get them online, not from Word’s crappy default library). The rest I get from Clipart Connection. I pay $35 for a one-year subscription and can download as many images as I want from their fabulous selection.
Anyway, new look tomorrow - see you then!
Jason: I have to have my picture taken by a professional photographer at work tomorrow.
Me: What for?
Jason: Our work website.
Me: That’s cool.
Jason: Yeah. Someone sent out a link to another company’s website, and when you clicked on an employee’s name, 4 different pictures rotated through. The first photo was serious, then the rest were goofy poses.
Me: Wow, fancy.
Jason: Yeah. And when they said to dress business casual, they also said to bring props.
Me: Props? What kind of props?
Jason: I don’t know.
Me: Like your high school football jersey?
Jason: Ha!
Me: Maybe you should bring a pipe!
Jason: Um, no.
Me: What are you going to do then?
Jason: The only thing I can do. Bring my guitar and a Trans Am.
Finally, here is the installment about a very weird and unfortunate injury Jason sustained when he was about 6 years old - enjoy! (The whole series is here.)
“I’M HOME FROM KINDERGARTEN!” says Jason.
“YAY! LET’S PLAY,” says Jason’s brother.
“EXCUSE ME, I SEEM TO BE MISSING SOME OF THE DECORATIVE TOOTHPICKS YOU BOYS LIKE TO TAPE TO ME,” says the bed.
“YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE TOOTHPICKS YOU SAVE FROM WHEN YOU GO OUT TO DINNER,” says the sandwich.
“YEAH, A FEW OF US ARE GONE!” says the toothpicks.
“LOOKS LIKE I’VE CAUGHT A FEW TOOTHPICKS IN MY 70s SHAGGY FIBERS,” says the carpeting.
“LET’S PLAY MATCHBOX CARS ON THE CARPET,” says Jason’s brother.
(more…)
I have been working on a children’s book post for quite awhile, but it turns out that clip art does not exist for the main component of the story. Looks like I will have to put my incredibly awful drawing skills to use this weekend!
Ever since the weather finally turned the corner and the color of our lawn increased its saturation by 300%, and we pulled the plastic from our windows so we could stop living like hibernating bears, I’ve been slowly walking around our yard every night when I get home from work. The lilacs are beginning to bud, the trees have buds, the yellow spots in our lawn are miraculously filling in with live grass, and my daylilies are poking through the soil like new teeth.
However, there is an abnormally large quantity of rabbit poop on our Misshapen Bushes™ and quite a few broken branches, which means I now have a better view of all the junk that somehow accumulates in those things. In the past I have found old plastic Easter eggs, plenty of sidewalk chalk, a plastic lizard, a puppy sticker and about 37 tennis balls. But on Monday, I found a seashell - in perfect condition. I pocketed it and fully examined the rest of the bushes. The next day I found another seashell, precisely the same size and in the same spot as the one I found the day before. I pocketed that one too. Then a few days ago, I found yet another seashell. I don’t know where these are coming from. As far as I know, we are roughly 1,500 miles from the nearest ocean.
Pictures!
Because we are fancy people, we insist the cats cross their paws while lounging on tables they’re not supposed to be on.
(Also, someone needs to get their claws trimmed, because good lord, the Tap Dancing Revue at 4 a.m. was unwelcome.)
For 37 tuna snacks, I’ll tell you who’s leaving those seashells in the yard. No? Fine, continue to think you’re losing your mind then.
