January 2, 2008

Frozen

Filed under: Miscellaneous — Shauna @ 2:50 pm

After work on New Year’s Eve, I stopped by the local family-owned gas station. I love going there because the two Indian men who own the place know me on sight, and call me “honey” and “sweetie” and “dear” while genuinely wishing me good luck on my lottery purchases and ignoring my obvious Mt. Dew addiction.

Right as I was finally receiving my cash from the uncooperative ATM, I heard a loud voice boom, “HOLDUP!”

And jesus. As my heart raced and I stood frozen in place, my mind staccatoed contradictory escape plans destined to make me a violent crime statistic:

- I’m hidden from view, but should I move?
- Should I go in this door to the coolers?
- What if they see me?
- Oh god, I left my phone in the car – I never do that.
- Oh, sure – the ONE frigging time I get more than $40 in cash.
- Why is no one else here concerned, like, at ALL?

And then the station owner greeted Mr. Holdup with hearty laughter and a, “How ya doing, man?”

What? WHY?

Why would anyone SAY such a thing?

God. (Incidentally, I needed two Dews just to recover.)

8 Comments

  1. I would have totally been in the cooler by the time I figured it out.

    Holdup. Seriously. It’s like that “can’t say “bomb” on an airplane scene from Meet The Parents. But what if I was a BOMBADIER?

    Comment by Tessie — January 2, 2008 @ 3:17 pm

  2. Holy shit! How did you not pee your pants?!

    Really, who would say that?! What a bad joke.

    *SO* glad that was just a joke.

    Comment by Shelly — January 2, 2008 @ 3:17 pm

  3. Oh, I would have barfed all over that ATM machine.

    Comment by Artemisia — January 2, 2008 @ 3:27 pm

  4. NOT cool…

    Comment by Gretchen — January 2, 2008 @ 3:51 pm

  5. That is SO scary. Who DOES that?

    Comment by Jess — January 2, 2008 @ 3:52 pm

  6. Us Shellys must think alike – I would have totally peed myself if I were you! Then I would have bitch slapped someone because that shit is not funny!

    Comment by Shellly — January 2, 2008 @ 10:05 pm

  7. Oh my god, I would’ve peed my pants. Especially since I just watched Death Sentence, the movie where a kid goes into a convenience store for a slushie and gets his throat slit!

    Comment by Stephanie — January 3, 2008 @ 3:24 pm

  8. I agree with all of the above statements, and if it makes you feel better I probably would’ve been hugging the floor behind the ATM for dear life, hyperventilating.

    Comment by Amber — January 4, 2008 @ 4:57 am

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