Things Shauna Cannot Do – Part IV
1. Get in the Christmas spirit when work is totally insane and sales people can’t remember that 70% of the staff will be missing next week when they make ridiculous deadline promises to clients.
2. [redacted]
3. Get her bangs to cooperate so that she looks more “cute and sassy” and less “slacker marijuana user.”
4. Get up early to exercise, even after watching “The Biggest Loser” finale last night and seeing how some contestants got up at 4 a.m. to exercise.
5. Figure out how to move the driver’s seat forward in her 2008 Mercury Mariner rental car; a rental car that only needed to be procured after she went to pick up Jason’s car from the mechanic and was told that after finding nothing wrong with the vehicle, they accidentally punctured the oil pan.
6. Remember the name of that delicious white chocolate-filled-with-white-pudding-concoction that someone left in the kitchen last week.
7. Schedule any kind of fun lunch and/or after-work appointment due to the client from hell; a client she will actually avoid doing business with FOREVER because of their asinine-ness. (Other clients banned forever: DHL, Wells Fargo.)
8. Stop having dreams about giving birth to baby girls.
9. Figure out why her new black shoes are making a weird, and extremely loud, clicking noise.
10. Refrain from going longer than 3 minutes without applying not one, but two types of chapstick. Chapstick which is not working AT ALL.
And I cannot stop laughing…
Comment by My Buddy Mimi — December 19, 2007 @ 5:27 pm
Wow re: #2! It’s not like you went for a weekend in the Poconos or something. You got FREAKING MARRIED! Did you say something to her about it?
Comment by Stephanie — December 19, 2007 @ 8:22 pm
Really, who WANTS to exercise after watching The Biggest Loser? Sure, they lose weight, but those trainers are vile and mean, and the whole ordeal seems like a nightmare…shows like that make me wanna eat cupcakes in bed.
Comment by Amber — December 20, 2007 @ 2:37 am
I always feel like getting up and running 10 miles everytime I watch The Biggest Loser. Luckily I’m usually well into my first cocktail by then. I’m over it by the next day.
A little GIRL! YAY!
Comment by Tessie — December 20, 2007 @ 8:51 am
This was hilarious, however, I would be hurt if my mom’s Christmas letter didn’t mention my engagement, let alone my actual wedding. Hmm? Maybe she thought that it was your thing to talk about?
Comment by Flibberty — December 20, 2007 @ 9:43 am
That’s the problem with bangs. You have one week where they’re exactly the right length and you look all cute and sassy, then it’s all downhill from there.
That sucks about mom’s letter. Maybe she expects you to send out your own letter with the big news?
#8 is the best. That’s a good dream to have!
Comment by LoriD — December 20, 2007 @ 9:52 am
Flibberty and LoriD,
Jason & I sent out our own Christmas card (a photo card of us from the wedding) well before my mom sent hers. I dunno; the past 2-3 years she hasn’t said anything about me, and I never do Christmas letters, only cards, so I don’t know if she thinks it’s up to me to write about my life or what. She used to mention me, but just stopped all the sudden. And she’ll still mention my brother. I’m a good kid - promise!
It’s just weird.
Comment by Shauna — December 20, 2007 @ 10:07 am
Shauna,
That is a little weird. I’d be crushed.
And, #4? Nothing will get me up in the morning to exercise. NOTHING.
Comment by Artemisia — December 20, 2007 @ 4:48 pm
…I’m waiting for your dream to come true
Comment by Becky — December 20, 2007 @ 6:39 pm
Every night I set my alarm for 5:00. At some point during the night, I come to my senses and turn the alarm off. I’ll get up when a kid wakes me.
Try Blistex. Not the chapstick-like kind, but the cream that you squeeze a little onto your finger and rub it in. It works wonders.
Comment by JMC — December 31, 2007 @ 4:21 pm
REDACTED!!!
Comment by Parkingathome — April 10, 2008 @ 2:02 pm