The nature of Workplace
Annoying, whispering nature show narrator:
The female sits for prolonged periods of time, often rousing herself only to quench her thirst from the environment’s abundant hot chocolate supply or to socialize with the others.
Her opposable thumbs serve her well, allowing her to communicate through well-placed keystrokes or the use of a crudely fashioned writing implement. This female in particular does not like high-pitched sounds, such as those from the telephones indigenous to the area, or from the offspring of unthinking co-members.
She has few enemies; however, an alpha male will occasionally intrude into her workspace, necessitating the need to frighten him off with bared teeth and loud growls. Frequently, small fights also break out within the group, such as when a new food source is introduced. The food known as “Cheetos” is especially coveted, and members of the group are known to hoard it during its peak season for future meals.
The group as a whole is noisy, often chattering nonsensically without regard for others. To escape the cacophony, the female often climbs the highest tree or retreats to the nearest library.
An intuitive creature, the female keeps her eye on the clock sun to determine when it is safe to leave the area. She is adept at looking busy and avoiding eye contact in order to escape unnecessary work.
When she is not required to be part of the group, she spends her time sleeping.
This is awesome. I love all the different narrative styles you use to tell us about your life. Speaking of which, I think it’s almost time for another illustrated children’s story!
Comment by Jess — November 27, 2007 @ 6:22 pm
I LOVE this. I swear I read the entire thing in that low do-not-disturb-the-animals voice. In my head, I mean, not out loud.
Comment by JMC — November 27, 2007 @ 8:11 pm
I heard it in my head too! Awesome!
Comment by Gretchen — November 27, 2007 @ 10:36 pm
You really captured all of us with this one! I agree with JMC and Gretchen…I also “heard it in my head” in a quiet, low voice.
I still think you need to be an author.
Comment by Becky — November 28, 2007 @ 7:58 am
Okay that is hysterical! I will never look at my work place the same way again!
Comment by Christina — November 28, 2007 @ 9:31 am
*LOVE* this.
Comment by Shelly — November 28, 2007 @ 9:59 am
Heheheheheeeee. What exactly is the “peak season” for Cheetos? I need to put it on my calendar.
Comment by My Buddy Mimi — November 28, 2007 @ 11:04 am
Oh, my. I read this entire thing in nature-guy voice. Too funny. And, spot on!
Comment by Artemisia — November 28, 2007 @ 12:32 pm
I like this!
Comment by Sara — November 28, 2007 @ 2:23 pm
I could hear Jeff Corwin whispering the entire thing, and rustling trying to get closer to the Cheetos. Thanks for the great laugh.
Comment by PixelPi — November 28, 2007 @ 6:47 pm
Just awesome!
Comment by LoriD — November 29, 2007 @ 10:06 am
Wait, your office has Cheetos? That, as well as this post, are awesome.
Comment by Flibberty — November 29, 2007 @ 2:44 pm