Pickles & Dimes

Jason officially wins all future “whose job is more stressful?” contests because today is Spa Day at work, and everyone received a super-soft bathrobe to wear to their various “spa” appointments (free haircuts! free massages! sundae bar!). Did I mention free massages?

Plus, I got a promotion today, so…yeah. Things are looking pretty good around here.

My friend Michelle sent me this link. To support Breast Cancer Awareness, Lean Cuisine is selling super cute lunch bags for $9.95, which includes shipping. The best part: $5 from each bag goes toward the Susan G. Komen fund.

I already have a lunch bag, but it is boring and well-used and boring. So I bought the white one with flowers. Take a look!

Since the honeymoon, I haven’t been sleeping well, due to:

1. Our queen-sized bed. We had a king on our honeymoon. There is a HUGE difference: on the king, I could roll over three times and still not be in the same ZIP code as Jason. On our queen, I routinely feel his elbow attempting a tracheotomy on my throat.

2. The cats. My god, THE CATS. Specifically, Abby. Sunny has been rather placid and peaceful lately, and has forsaken her early morning dining demands for sitting heavily on my chest or kidneys. But Abby, Abby needs to be lying right next to me, but only if I’m lying on my right side so she can burrow her head next to my chin and insert her whiskers into my nostrils. If I turn over, I then have to endure loud lip smacking (hint: worst noise ever) and repeated blanket pawing until I comply with her required bed feng shui.

3. Jason used to get up around 6:00 to feed the cats. This left me a good 30-60 minutes to sleep uninterrupted and to enjoy more than 37% of the bed. It was the best sleep of my night. However, because of Sunny’s good behavior, Jason now doesn’t get up until the alarm goes off at 6:47. I am not a fan of this new development.

This week, we started getting up earlier (again, NOT A FAN) to work out. On Monday, we lifted weights. On Tuesday, I slept in because I had slept the sleep of the non-sleeping. (Jason: “You couldn’t even make it TWO DAYS?”) Today, since I wasn’t leaping or jumping or performing any other type of cardiac activity at the opportunity to work out, I suggested yoga.

Jason was immediately skeptical, because we wouldn’t be gasping for air or sweating or clanking heavy weight plates, but I wanted something low-impact so I wouldn’t feel the need to take my own life. And? He likes to listen to talk radio in the morning, and I despise the existence of talk radio, and the combination of Early Morning + Exercise + Talk Radio makes me think really bad thoughts. Thoughts where I am miraculously skilled in the ways of high-tech weaponry and judo.

We assembled in our living room to watch the perky, chestless DVD woman perform her yoga moves on a deserted Hawaiian island while ocean waves lapped gently in the background. Meanwhile, I performed my own, less-flexible moves on a $2 yoga mat three feet from the litterboxes, next to a husband who kept making fun of me (“She’s facing right – you’re not very coordinated, are you?”) and a cat who made well-timed, high-speed head butts into my limbs as I was balancing precariously on one foot and attempting to feel the insides of my knees ‘reaching toward the sky.’

But on a positive note: after yoga, my hip doesn’t make that embarrassingly loud popping noise when I lean over in my work chair; a noise so age-group inappropriate it attracts the attention of coworkers who ask loudly in alarm, “What the hell was THAT?”

AND, no talk radio. Namaste.

• We went to Grand View Lodge in Nisswa, MN. It was the off-season. There was hardly anyone there. It was awesome.
• I made the reservation under my old name (which was my ex-husband’s last name). At some point, they must’ve asked for Jason’s first name and made a horrible assumption. Therefore, when we checked in, they cheerfully greeted us as, “Shauna and Jason [Ex-Husband's Last Name]. That was awkward.
• We had a one-room cabin with a leather couch and chair, a king-sized bed (glorious!), a fireplace and a Jacuzzi. The cabin was on stilts in the middle of the forest.
• I didn’t have my usual OCD fear of checking the door lock 36423987 times because you had to walk ¾ of the way around the cabin on a rickey wood ramp to get to the door. Therefore, I would’ve been alerted in plenty of time if a killer had approached us. (Unless the killer was skilled in stealthy tree-scaling.)
• We got free breakfast every morning. There was lots of bacon involved. And an omelet bar.
• The fall leaves were past their peak, but that didn’t prevent me from squealing, “Look at those leaves!” every seven minutes. It also didn’t prevent me from searching for the perfect acorn, pine cone, maple leaf, birch leaf, oak leaf and ash leaf for my collection of “Things I collect on special vacations to let dry up in my office at home.”
• This place had a giant pool area. We went there everyday and were the only ones there. We played endless games of Horse on the in-pool basketball hoops.
• We felt silly calling the front desk to have someone turn on the waterslide for a couple of 33-year-olds. But still…a waterslide…all to ourselves.
• They had a “warm” tub and a “hot” tub. They weren’t kidding about the hotness of the hot tub.
• I had to plug my nose whenever I went underwater, despite Jason’s lies that water wouldn’t go up my nose if I just breathed out.
• They really meant it when they said not to sit up on the waterslide. My skull and I found out those rules were there for a reason.
• Even though it was 86 degrees out when we got married, it was in the mid- to upper 40s during our honeymoon. That was perfect fireplace weather (even though Jason had to go cool off outside a few times).
• We discovered a supper club called Bar Harbor. We went there three times. Our waitress was named Kitty.
• I am now obsessed with finding the recipe for Chicken Saltimbocca. And their Mushroom Risotto (which I ordered two out of the three times we ate there).
• The lodge had a game room with ping pong, air hockey, pinball and pool. It was pretty much heaven on earth.
• We got a couples massage at the spa. That was pretty much one of my favorite moments in my life – ever.
• I also got a sea salt scrub. It made my skin so silky soft I bought the ridiculously high-priced products afterwards.
• In the spa locker room, they had free samples of anti-cellulite cream. I took 9 bottles. I would’ve taken more if I thought I could’ve gotten away with it.
• Jason sat in the sauna for over 20 minutes. I barely made it 7, and that was because I had my hands over my mouth so I didn’t feel like I was inhaling fire or that my lips were burning off.
• Jason also lasted 30 minutes in the steam room. I only made it 30 seconds before my lungs felt like they were going to collapse.
• We are having a hard time adjusting to the absence of “8:30 Jacuzzi time.”
• We would go back there in a heartbeat.