Make me up, buttercup
Today at work was our last Spa Day (it got extended due to its popularity, wonder of wonders). I immediately signed up for another massage because DUDE. Free massage!
I also signed up for a free makeup session. The makeup guy was totally professional, knowledgeable, sweet and most importantly, gushingly complimentary toward my face. (Apparently, my eyes aren’t “brown,” they are a “pretty shade of amber.” And instead of referring to my skin tone as “corpse-like white,” he called it “porcelain.” HA.)
I’m pretty sure his greatest challenge, however, was preventing himself from rolling his eyes at me every time he asked a makeup question:
“What kind of eye makeup do you typically use?”
“Uhhh…you’re looking at it.”
“Oh. So you don’t typically wear eye makeup, then.”
“That is correct.”
“Does your moisturizer have SPF in it?”
“Umm…I don’t use moisturizer…or SPF…but I use Carmex on my lips! Does that have SPF?”
Luckily, he didn’t laugh or chastise me, but instead carefully explained exactly what he was doing as he masterfully mixed shadows and daubed on liquid eye shadow and patted my lids with brushes and Q-tips, and generally stuck his fashionable boot-clad foot over the line that indicates Nearly Touching My Eyeball Land, while I squirmed and fidgeted and tried not to blink or think about how my contacts will later exact their revenge.
And I learned, finally, the correct way to apply eye shadow, which, let’s face it, is the main reason I never wear eye makeup, unruly contacts notwithstanding. I have no less than three 4-color eye shadow sets and yet I have no clue about how to layer the colors. None. So I stick with the boring brown shades and instead of making my eyes pop, I essentially make them invisible.
So, girls (and rock star boys), here’s what I learned today about applying multiple colors of eye shadow (you probably already know this, but I am a makeup moron):
[The four colors he used on me were pretty natural: white, taupe, pink and charcoal gray]
- Start with the neutral shade (in my case, taupe) and apply it with a small, rounded brush from lash line to eyebrow.
- Take a smaller brush and apply the next-lightest color (white for me) in a thin line under the brow line. Dab a teeny amount in the corners of your eye lids to brighten your eyes.
- If you want, at this point you can use a liquid eye shadow on your lids to add shimmer and to act as a base for your main eye shadow color. (He used a shimmery white on me.) Use the brush from Step 1 again to apply your color (for me, pink) on your lids over the liquid shadow.
Note: Your eyes will start to feel heavy with gunk. Do not be alarmed. Apparently, this is normal. Also, your contacts will imagine they have 517 specks of dust in them. They are overreacting. Ignore them.
- Finish with a skinny square brush by sweeping a line of shadow (for me, charcoal gray) along your lash line.
- If you want eyeliner, apply it in your lash line, not above it. And apply it starting where your lashes are the thickest, not right at the corner of your eye. This way it will emphasize your lashes at their thickest point and make your eyes pop.
- Apply mascara in a downward motion first, so it will get rid of any eye shadow powder that fell on your lashes previously. Then apply a second coat while brushing upwards. You can either curl your lashes before this or use a curling mascara.
- Ta-da! You’re now beautiful and can call your husband and beg him to take you somewhere nice for dinner instead of sitting at home eating leftover spaghetti with bacon. Although it’s spaghetti with bacon, so maybe you’ll just eat at home looking all sultry and sexy.
Ha, I never wear eye makeup aside from mascara because (1) I never give myself enough time for eye makeup and (2) I have NO clue what to do and seriously I love that you wrote it down but skipped to the part about spaghetti with Bacon because I could not visualize it and my brain made the funny sound that a TV or radio makes when you have lost the signal…
BUT where do you work?!??! Cause OMG I want to have A SPA DAY (or even just a last spa day!??)
Happy Friday!
Comment by Christina — October 26, 2007 @ 2:04 pm
“If you want eyeliner, apply it in your lash line, not above it.”
How do you do this? I am not capable.
Comment by Sara — October 26, 2007 @ 2:09 pm
You lost me somewhere in the application of the 3rd eyeshadow. I have, um, zero eyeshadows in my teeny tiny make-up bag. I desperately need spa day.
Comment by LoriD — October 26, 2007 @ 2:57 pm
I laughed so hard at this. I had my makeup done for my sister’s wedding last Saturday, and I couldn’t see what he was doing. But I could feel what what was happening. Like you, I just don’t wear makeup and am “porcelain.”
When finally done, I went to show Mr. Pi. He stared. Then he said, “Which one of the Munsters are you?”
I’ll never wear makeup again.
Comment by PixelPi — October 26, 2007 @ 3:14 pm
Christina,
Welcome! I work in downtown Minneapolis at an ad agency. It definitely has its perks!
Sara,
I had never heard of applying eyeliner IN your lash line before, either. From the feel of it, he used the pencil to add color in between my lashes, rather than just drawing a line right above them. The resulting effect was more subtle and didn’t have that painted-on look.
LoriD,
I know! If it wasn’t for the guy’s patient explanations, I would still have NO CLUE. I probably should’ve waited to write this before I tried it myself, but oh well. I think everyone knows I’m not a beauty expert!
Comment by Shauna — October 26, 2007 @ 3:16 pm
Yay for spa day!!!
Thank you for writing this down. I have NO IDEA
Comment by Artemisia — October 26, 2007 @ 5:26 pm
Ha ha! Apparently, I have no idea where my hands are on they keyboard. Oops.
I have no idea how to apply make up. I think I “taught myself” some random techinques in JUNIOR HIGH or some shit. Bad news.
Just reading the steps my eyes felt heavy. (I laughed SO HARD at your suggestions to not feel alarmed and to ignore contacts that are SPAZZING OUT.)
Have a great weekend!
Comment by Artemisia — October 26, 2007 @ 5:28 pm
I’ve been wearing make up to my new job, and I think my eyes/contacts are slowly adjusting to the pain. Or maybe I am becoming more bad ass.
In other news, I daydream about getting a massage all. the. time.
Comment by blacksheeped — October 26, 2007 @ 8:41 pm
I understand completely about your former makeup issues. I’m the same way: pale skin, lack of ability to understand eyeshadow. Usually I just swipe on mascara and then add chapstick, and only when feeling EXTRA ambitious do I break out the eyelash curler and neutral brown shadow. This works for me, though, and despite many attempts at those do-it-yourself quad kits that label the colors, or idiot-proof explanations by other people, I am hopeless.
Comment by Amber — October 27, 2007 @ 11:27 am
Well, that all sounds like a lot of work, which is why I only wear brownish shadow applied in a half assed manner to the entire “lid”.
Back to the real issue here, which is the Spaghetti With Bacon. WHAT IS THE RECIPE?
Comment by Tessie — October 29, 2007 @ 8:10 am
Tessie,
I posted the recipe for Spaghetti with Bacon awhile back, but I think if you do a search for it on the site, it’ll come up. If not, let me know!
Comment by Shauna — October 29, 2007 @ 8:44 am
I learned this lesson at Sephora a couple of years ago, and it was life-changing. It’s very nice of you to think of sharing.
Comment by Jess — October 29, 2007 @ 10:57 am
First, mmmm spaghetti with bacon.
Second, I have been using the exact same technique I learned when I got a make-over at age 18 or so. I think when an entire decade has gone by its time for a new lesson.
Comment by Banana — October 29, 2007 @ 2:33 pm