Pickles & Dimes

I have nothing of substance to write about today and work is swamped, but I just can’t help thinking this over and over:

“I’m getting married in 10 days…I’m getting married in 10 days…I’m getting married in 10 days.”

I have to make a list of stuff to bring to the venue and I have to list everything because my memory, she is going, and so while it might seem obvious, item #1 is: “WEDDING DRESS.”

[I go downstairs to sit on the couch next to Jason.]

Jason: Hey! Let me try to take off your glasses with my toes!

Me: What? No.

Jason: Yes. I need the practice.

Me: The practice? For what? A future career as an armless bomb defuser?

Jason: Maybe. My toes are very skilled.

Me: You’re not touching me with those monkey toes.

Jason: Well then, maybe I’ll touch something else. Your robe’s agape.

Me: No.

Jason: If you don’t let me, I’ll use my left foot. That one’s clumsier.

Me, sighing: Fine. I can’t believe I’m letting you do this.

[Jason uses his toes to pull one side of my glasses off, poking me in the eye.]

Me: Ow!

Jason: Stop laughing!

Me: This is insane.

[Jason pulls the glasses completely off and presents them back to me...WITH HIS TOES]

Jason: Your glasses…

Me: You are such a freak.

Normally I stay away from these interview-meme things, but sometimes you can learn a lot about people based on their answers, so when Jess asked for volunteers, I signed up.

Here’s her great questions and my not-so-great answers:

1. What is your favorite thing about Jason?

I think my favorite thing about him is his utter attention to detail. You always hear about guys or husbands who don’t notice anything. Well, I could move something in our house one inch to the left and he would notice immediately.

Oh wait, you asked about my favorite thing. That would be his sense of humor and how gentle and awesome he is with little kids and pets.

2. Are there any foods that you loved as a kid that you hate now? What are they?

I really can’t think of anything I loved as a kid and hate now, since I was an extremely picky eater, but I can name two things I hated as a kid but love now: pork chops and strawberries. My dad always overcooked pork chops until they were hockey pucks, and the seeds on strawberries used to gross me out.

3. What is your favorite place you’ve ever lived in or visited?

Definitely Cancun. I love the ocean and it was just so beautiful there. Sometimes when it’s really windy and the leaves are rustling in the trees, I close my eyes and imagine it’s the sound of the ocean. (This is a totally normal behavior, by the way.)

4. If you had to pick just one TV show to watch ever again, what would it be?

Without a doubt, X-files. I remember seeing the preview for the pilot episode and thinking, “This looks interesting.” In fact, years later I actually applied to the FBI and passed their entrance exam and everything. (Not that I was obsessed or anything or have seen every episode – at least twice.)

5. Do you have any recurring nightmares? If so, what are they about?

I have three recurring nightmares. One I only get when I’m sick: it involves me falling, falling, falling into a giant vortex.

The second one involves tornadoes. They’re always coming to destroy me, and I’m trying to warn people, but no one’s listening to me or taking cover.

The third one involves me trying to pull a piece of gum out of my mouth and I just keep pulling and pulling and the gum keeps stretching and stretching, and I feel like I’m going to choke. Delightful, no? This same dream usually also involves me trying to put in my contacts, which have mysteriously grown to dinner-plate-sized proportions.

That’s it! Great questions.

Jason’s been working looooooong hours lately and while I feel bad for him and constantly tell him, “It’s not a competition” when he complains about how cushy my job is, I just realized I’ve no longer got an argument, because while he’ll probably have to work 12 hours today without a lunch break, I just got served ice cream AND a 3 Musketeers bar.