Pickles & Dimes

Left brain: We should really work on this brand guidelines document.

Right brain: No – screw that. Let’s watch that guy play Canon in D on electric guitar again.

Left brain: No! Besides, we’re not walking down the aisle to that at the wedding.

Right brain: That’s what you think.

Left brain: Come on, let’s do some more research on direct mail trends.

Right brain: God, you’re SO boring. Let’s order that bacon chocolate bar instead.

Left brain: Is that all you think about? Bacon?

Right brain: Pretty much. That and how Bruce Willis is the coolest guy on the planet. Oh – and buffalo wings.

Left brain: I am done talking with you.

Right brain: That’s too bad, because I’m just getting started…

Left brain: [...]

Right brain: Hey, since you won’t watch that Canon in D song again, maybe we can look up appropriate songs to play during the sand ceremony at the wedding.

Left brain: That’s actually a decent idea. We-

Right brain: We could do Enter Sandman. Get it?

Left brain: Right. Because a Metallica song during the wedding is totally appropriate.

Right brain: Who said anything about Metallica? It would be the version from Harptallica. Totally classy – and appropriate. People would be in the audience listening and then think, “Wait a minute…is this Enter Sandman???”

Left brain: My god, that’s genius!

Right brain: I know. Hey, let’s go grab that mini bag of Cheetos from the snack tray, OK?

Left brain: Yeah – we’ve earned it.

Jason and I went camping this weekend only 13 miles away, but since the campground proprietors put us in the “honeymoon suite,” our site was barely visible, nestled in a tiny spot in a heavily wooded area.

Not long after we set up the tent, I heard this (requires Real Player):

“What was THAT?” I asked nervously.

“I dunno,” Jason said, as he moved his chair away from the noise.

As the sunlight began to fade, every noise became amplified. Pretty soon the sounds belonged less to cute pocket gophers and friendly wide-eyed rabbits, and more to angry, chain-smoking squirrel snipers and their well-organized, rabid raccoon army.

Another shriek pierced the still night.

“Jesus!” I said. “What IS that?”

I grabbed a flashlight and aimed it wildly at the trees, half trying to find the source of the sound and half afraid that my tiny light source would spotlight a giant, hungry Bigfoot standing eight millimeters away.

A quick flash of movement in the trees caught my eye and before my light firmly trained on two giant gray barn owls, I briefly thought, “MONKEYS – IN THE TREES!”

Which Jason totally made fun of me for thinking.

My rudimentary knowledge of owls was that they emitted subdued hoots, much like Arsenio Hall fans, not high-pitched screams that one associates with homicide victims. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

We were lucky to be serenaded by the two shriekers during the middle of the night, and I’m not sure what their point was, but if it was to prevent sleep, then they were totally successful, especially when the woman-like shrieking was punctuated with the sound of something brushing against the tent and almost sending me into my own personal Blair Witch moment.

After I finally fell asleep, I was then awakened by Jason, who had something very important to say.

“American Gladiators,” he said, sitting upright.

“What?”

“Which TV show featured the characters Nitro and Jazz? American Gladiators.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Didn’t you ask me a trivia question?”

“No!”

“Oh. That was a good show.”

A summary of my week, presented in children’s book format:

“BEEP, BEEP, BEEP,” says the alarm clock.

“HORK,” says the kitty.

“CHUG-A-CHUG-A-CHUG,” says the car in front of Shauna, which is going MUCH slower than the law allows.

“RING RING,” says the work phone.

“HELP. EMERGENCY. NOW,” says the client.

“RING, RING,” says the work phone – again.

“MRS. X IS ON VACATION. YOU NEED TO DO ALL HER WORK,” says the coworker.

“RING, RING,” says the work phone. The work phone isn’t very nice. We don’t like the work phone.

(more…)

This weekend we are going camping for the second time this summer. Last year at this time, we had already gone four times and had gone seven times total between May and September. This year we will probably be going only four times all season.

Like our annual trip to Taylor’s Falls/St. Croix Falls, it will be just Shauna and I camping this weekend. This year our St. Croix trip will be posponed due to our wedding, and I can’t think of a better reason to miss out. Especially since it was on last fall’s trip that I proposed to Shauna, and we’re getting married around the same time that her and I usually go camping at that same spot.

This weekend’s camping trip is well deserved. Lately all we have been working on (by “we,” I mean Shauna) and talking about is the wedding. This weekend will be a decompression trip, with the sole purpose of re-energizing ourselves. Maybe we’ll talk about the weather, and maybe we’ll talk about our upcoming day off at ValleyFair; hopefully a couple of our friends can stop out for the day. But be sure of this: we can continue our wedding planning and wedding talk when we get back.

What do you normal people talk about when you’re not planning a wedding? I actually forgot.