Pickles & Dimes

Jason and I went camping this weekend only 13 miles away, but since the campground proprietors put us in the “honeymoon suite,” our site was barely visible, nestled in a tiny spot in a heavily wooded area.

Not long after we set up the tent, I heard this (requires Real Player):

“What was THAT?” I asked nervously.

“I dunno,” Jason said, as he moved his chair away from the noise.

As the sunlight began to fade, every noise became amplified. Pretty soon the sounds belonged less to cute pocket gophers and friendly wide-eyed rabbits, and more to angry, chain-smoking squirrel snipers and their well-organized, rabid raccoon army.

Another shriek pierced the still night.

“Jesus!” I said. “What IS that?”

I grabbed a flashlight and aimed it wildly at the trees, half trying to find the source of the sound and half afraid that my tiny light source would spotlight a giant, hungry Bigfoot standing eight millimeters away.

A quick flash of movement in the trees caught my eye and before my light firmly trained on two giant gray barn owls, I briefly thought, “MONKEYS – IN THE TREES!”

Which Jason totally made fun of me for thinking.

My rudimentary knowledge of owls was that they emitted subdued hoots, much like Arsenio Hall fans, not high-pitched screams that one associates with homicide victims. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

We were lucky to be serenaded by the two shriekers during the middle of the night, and I’m not sure what their point was, but if it was to prevent sleep, then they were totally successful, especially when the woman-like shrieking was punctuated with the sound of something brushing against the tent and almost sending me into my own personal Blair Witch moment.

After I finally fell asleep, I was then awakened by Jason, who had something very important to say.

“American Gladiators,” he said, sitting upright.

“What?”

“Which TV show featured the characters Nitro and Jazz? American Gladiators.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Didn’t you ask me a trivia question?”

“No!”

“Oh. That was a good show.”