Pickles & Dimes

A summary of my week, presented in children’s book format:

“BEEP, BEEP, BEEP,” says the alarm clock.

“HORK,” says the kitty.

“CHUG-A-CHUG-A-CHUG,” says the car in front of Shauna, which is going MUCH slower than the law allows.

“RING RING,” says the work phone.

“HELP. EMERGENCY. NOW,” says the client.

“RING, RING,” says the work phone – again.

“MRS. X IS ON VACATION. YOU NEED TO DO ALL HER WORK,” says the coworker.

“RING, RING,” says the work phone. The work phone isn’t very nice. We don’t like the work phone.

How many things can Shauna do at once? Let’s count!

1. Answer the phone.

2. Answer a coworker’s question.

3. Write messaging platform copy.

4. Upload documents to the management system.

5. Put out imaginary fires.

What things can’t Shauna do? Let’s see!

1. Go to the bathroom.

2. Eat lunch.

3. Check the agency’s server, because she’s on an external client network that won’t allow her to access the internal network at the same time. Isn’t that SILLY?

Finally, Shauna gets to go home – late. YAY!

“WE ARE ALL GOING REALLY SLOW,” says the traffic.

“I AM GOING 18 MILES PER HOUR,” says Shauna’s car, which just passed 160,000 miles on its odometer. Can you say ‘Congratulations, Shauna’s car!’?

“THANK YOU,” says Shauna’s car, “BUT 18 MILES PER HOUR IS NOT VERY FAST. I LIKE TO GO MUCH, MUCH FASTER. FASTER THAN YOU KIDS SHOULD EVER GO.”

Shauna’s car is right: Eighteen miles per hour isn’t very fast. In fact, many animals of the world can run faster. How many animals can you name that can go faster than 18 miles per hour?

a. Cheetah (70 mph)

b. Lion (50 mph)

c. Elk (45 mph)

d. Giraffe (32 mph)

e. Wart Hog (30 mph)

f. Human Being (28 mph)

g. Elephant (20 mph)

You know what? This traffic is only allowing Shauna’s car to go twice as fast as a chicken.

Isn’t that funny? Ha, ha! Let’s all laugh at this. HA HA HA.

Don’t worry, kids. These are tears of joy.

Finally, home sweet home. Hi, home!

“HI. CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR HOME SECURITY SYSTEM?” says the man who claims he’s not a salesperson, even though he tries to sell Shauna something.

“MEE-ROW?” says the kitty.

“HORK,” says the other kitty.

THE END.