Pickles & Dimes

Again, the number #1 search that led people to this site was “jolly troll.” I am strongly considering starting an online petition to bring the Jolly Troll back to Minnesota. Seriously. Like everyone else, I only want what I cannot have, and apparently what I want is to be entertained by animatronic trolls while I eat chicken fingers.

Here’s the rest of the searches for last month:

“explosive sneezing”

My previous job featured a woman who sneezed at least 9 times in a row EVERY SINGLE DAY. And they were not graceful little bunny sneezes either. They were sneezes that made everybody stop working because they had to make sure their computer monitor wasn’t going to shatter or that the building foundation wasn’t going to crumble.

Imagine my happiness when I moved to this job and found that I will now be serenaded daily by a coworker whose vociferous sneezes sound like a large dog (perhaps a German Shepherd) barking ferociously. EVERY DAY.

“dimes & toilet”

Ummm…okay. Really?

“alligator vest”

I know that making wallets and boots and purses out of alligators is wrong, but have you seen alligators? I mean, the way they twist and roll and drown their victims with their unblinking eyes and dinosaurian cold-bloodedness, or the way they nonchalantly hang out in swimming pools and Floridian kitchens…gaaaaaah.

“two free lawn tickets with cd poison”

Don’t talk to Jason about this. He bought the CD and was hoping to get the free tickets, only Minneapolis was one of the few sites NOT to have lawn seating. It was a sad day. Also, do not mention Rocklahoma either.

“index of pps peeing”

Ew. What is this? Gross!

“why is dustin diamond such a douchebag”

Well, it might have to do with the fact that he enjoys confrontation, insists on people not calling him “Screech” even though he looks exactly the same as he did while on “Saved by the Bell,” hasn’t done anything substantial since then besides a crappy celebrity fighting show and his own adult film, and is a total douchebag.

“hairy centipedes different picture”

How about this one?

For scale, that green thing is planet Earth.

“the effect of punching someone in the throat”

Well, for all my talking about it, I’ve never done it, so I can’t honestly say. You could pretend to be my optometrist and touch my eye if you’d like to find out, though.