Master of the universe
Universe: Hey, how would you like a really dry – painfully dry – throat to celebrate the beginning of your weekend?
Shauna: No, that’s OK. I’m good.
Universe: One dry, moisture-resistant throat coming right up.
Shauna: No, I said I-
Universe: Hey dude, how would you like to have horrible side pain?
Jason: What? No! Actually, I had that a week ago and it sucked.
Universe: Too bad. Here you go.
Jason: Ow!
Universe: Hey, how would you like to be eliminated from your football pool because your team got beat by a last-second field goal?
Shauna: Oh, come on!
Universe: Yeah, it won’t just be a regular chip shot field goal, but a 62-yarder, just one yard short of tying the NFL record. Nice, eh?
Shauna: ARGHH!
Universe: Oh, while I’m at it, how about you guys go without heat this weekend?
Shauna: NO. No, no, no.
Jason: Yeah, we’re kinda fans of the heat. Especially when the temperature outside is 32 degrees and I, even with my abundance of body-warming testosterone, find the effects of warm air soothing.
Universe: Yeah, well, still. No heat for you. Also, they won’t be able to send someone out to look at the furnace until Sunday. When the repair rate is $40 more than Monday’s rate.
Shauna and Jason: Crap.
Universe: Enjoy your weekend!
(We did enjoy our weekend anyway, thanks to the comedic genius of Jim Colliton and Brian Regan.)
P.S. Thanks for nothing, Philadelphia Eagles! Losers.
2150 people at a sold out comedy show at the State Theater. Now that’s a crowd. Saturday night my abs hurt too from laughing so hard. We’re full of ailments.
Comment by Jason — October 23, 2006 @ 10:26 am