Language barrier
I have an intense urge to speak in German today, if for no other reason than to express my annoyance with people in the form of guttural questions like, “Was diese scheise ist?” which in my mind translates roughly to: “What is this shit?” Because, as everyone knows, you need to use a harsh-sounding language when you’re annoyed. Such as German. Or Russian. Of which my vocabulary includes only a single phrase that means “Go screw your mother.”
Unfortunately, the only German phrases I’ve retained from my mandatory two years of high school language study are “Wo ist Monica?” (“Where is Monica?”) “Im boot.” (“In the boat.”) Which does not lend itself to everyday conversations, especially since 1) I do not know anyone named Monica and 2) I do not own a boat.
Anyway, in a city the size of Minneapolis, it’s not very often that you’ll run into someone you know. It’s even less likely that you’ll find yourself behind the same vehicle two days in a row. Especially considering all the factors that had to happen for this coincidence to occur: freeway lane choice, traffic volume, departure times, vehicle speed, stoplight length, etc.
And yet, that’s what happened to me this week. At the same stoplight in downtown Minneapolis, I found myself behind the same vehicle two days in a row. The only reason I knew was because of the bumper stickers. One proclaimed:
“Vaginas are Cool!”
Yes.
And the other featured what appeared to be a flamingo, but upon closer inspection turned out to be a woman with her head between her knees and her butt in the air. All very anatomically detailed.
To which I said, “Was diese scheise ist?”
