Puff the magic dragon
As much as I try to protest (especially to guys) that I am not a “girly” girl, with my football watching, buffalo wild wing eating, non-mascara and non-foundation wearing ways, I have sadly come to the conclusion that I am indeed, such a girl.
This morning getting ready for work, I was pawing through my vanity drawer. It was stuffed to the gob with girly detritus: lotions and creams and moisturizer and face cleanser and toothbrushes and floss and contact cases and hairspray. It was a jumble of high-maintenance paraphernalia. And yet, I don’t consider myself to be high maintenance. I hardly ever wear eye makeup (thanks to unruly contacts who attempt to fling themselves off my eyeballs at the first hint of it), I don’t wear foundation or any heavy makeup, I barely curl my hair with a curling iron (and it shows), and I recently went through all of my lotions and potions and got rid of everything I didn’t use on a daily basis.
(Consequently, Jason’s drawer held all of his stuff and even a few things we both use, like the toothpaste, saline solution and nail clippers, and yet his drawer was 1/10 as full as mine.)
But looking at MY drawer, it was not only girls-gone-wild out of control, it was the drawer of a nerd. Tucked among two eyebrow pencils (what??) was my super-cool allergy medicine and two, count “˜em, two nifty asthma inhalers, which was nerdy enough, but then there was the giant, 12-foot long tube you’re supposed to put at the end of the inhaler while you’re sucking in heavenly puffs of lung-giving air. (And which, consequently, I hardly ever use. Even if I’m alone in the house - I have to draw the line somewhere.)
You can buy t-shirts with the slogan, “Asthma is sexy.” I want one, mainly because it is so not true. Asthma is NOT sexy. Asthma makes you sound like you’re attempting a poor Darth Vader impression with your inhaler. Asthma makes you unable to run distances greater than nine feet without pitching a coughing fit. Asthma makes you wake up your boyfriend at 3 a.m. while hunting for your inhaler. Asthma makes you late for work when you have to turn back home to get your inhaler. Asthma is mean. And asthma makes your vanity drawer look like a nerd’s.
Tomorrow I’m going to buy some eye shadow to even the scales.
I am not a nerd! I am a human being!
