Traffic Elimination Center® – Vol. 3
With the advent of summer-like weather (or as we like to refer to summer in Minnesota – “Really? You call this WARM?”) comes the droning of several annoying, large and usually butt-crack ugly modes of transport called the mot-or-cy-cle.
A recent survey shows that nearly 98% of all motorcycles are lacking this vital piece of equipment:
Which is really too bad, because unless you own a Harley, your motorcycle sounds like a whiny, spoiled teenager whose request to have a diamond-studded iPod was denied.
In addition, approximately 323% of all motorcyclists (aka crazy bastards who apparently don’t mind the fact that losing all of their skin to a horrible case of road rash is a distinct possibility every time they roar down the freeway) neglect to sport one of these:
Instead, at any given moment, one can spot brightly colored helmets dangling very non-effectively from the sides of numerous bikes.
But I digress. Today’s installment will focus on the motorcyclists’ battle cry:
Notice how this bumper sticker is almost always pasted onto CARS. Curious.
Anyway, motorcyclists, as a whole, are generally very careful, law-abiding drivers who want to be treated like any other car on the road. Which, on my commute, means they would like to be cut off by an idiot going 82 mph and talking on their cell phone. This safety lesson is not for those conscientious bikers.
Instead, it is for those who think that because their bike is smaller than a car, they need not respect the distance between any two vehicles, and instead, can treat that space as their own personal Evel Knievel stunt, weaving in and out of traffic as they see fit, often with mere inches between their front tire and the rear bumper of the car in front of them. Which means drivers in cars should now sport this on their bumpers:
Because eventually, all of the showboating and revving and racing and genuine lack of common sense is going to lead to this:
And really? I don’t want my moment of “seeing motorcycles” to be one where I’m witnessing some poor biker’s helmetless brains dripping off of someone’s front grille.
Lesson of the Day: Stop swerving and wear your helmet.
