Reasons #322 and #323 why I should be allowed to work from home
The receptionist called me today with an “emergency.” (Note: previous emergencies have included cutting and pasting, finding a font, and how to open an e-mail attachment.)
But this time, it must have been an actual emergency, because she was whispering. She only does this in emergencies, or whenever she doesn’t want the president to know she’s asking for help.
Her: “I have an emergency.”
Me: “What is it?”
Her: “[The president] gave me some Very Large Paper and wants me to make copies of them.”
Me: “What do you mean, large pieces of paper?” (I have no idea what I’m working with here. Is she talking about sandwich board-large? Will two people be necessary to wrestle this paper onto the copy machine??)
Her: “I don’t know. They’re LARGE. They’ll need to be shrank down.”
Me: “Are they 11 x 17’s?”
Her, now whispering very loudly, because obviously I. Am. NOT. Getting. It: “No, they’re LARGE!”
Me: (Now thinking that the president has somehow acquired a giant billboard that he wants photocopied onto a business card-sized piece of paper) “OK. I’ll come check it out.”
When I get up to her desk, she hurriedly shoves two LARGE pieces of paper into my hands. They’re 11 x 17’s. Normal sized pieces of paper, used hundreds of times daily in any office setting.
Me: “Um…these are 11 x 17’s. Why does he want them shrank down?”
Her: “What? Oh, I said they should be shrank down…you know…because they’re so LARGE.”
So anyway, I went and made copies…for our receptionist. I swear I have a bachelor’s degree and that my business cards read Marketing. Not that I’m above making copies for anyone, but I only make LARGE copies, dammit.
***
At our department meeting today, a coworker and I, with the help of our supervisor, were trying to determine the owners of the various creepy noises in our office.
Me: “So who’s the one that makes that ungodly noise? You know, the cough-barker?”
Supervisor: “You mean the Horker? Oh, that’s so-and-so.”
Coworker: “No, no that’s a guy. This is a woman who makes the noise.”
Supervisor: “Are you talking about the Bathroom Hocker?”
Me and Coworker:: “WHAT?! There’s a BATHROOM Hocker? Eew.”
Supervisor: “Oh yeah. Every time he goes in there. Hey, I think I know who the Serial Sneezer is.”
Me: “Yeah. Us too.”
Coworker: “So who’s the other Tuberculosis Twin?”
And so on. So in addition to the Serial Sneezer and the Tuberculosis Twins, I now have to be concerned about The Horker and The Bathroom Hocker. It’s like some freaky comic book filled with germ-riddled villains here, folks.
