Dental hijinks
Lesson of the day: Dental hygienists cannot receive telekinetic messages while wearing scrub masks.
Yesterday at the dentist, the hygienist asked me if I would have a problem with her using a water-pik to clean my teeth instead of a normal pik. I’m thinking, Why would I have a problem? It’s WATER.”
No, my friends, it’s not water. It’s a unique device that paves a direct neuro pathway into your BRAIN. It hurts – muchly. And I’ve never had any issues at the dentist.
My feeble attempts to send her “ABORT! ABORT!” messages through my brainwaves failed.
When that didn’t work, I used a little body language to get my point across; namely, clenching my fists, breathing shallowly, involuntarily willing my eyes to water, and mentally punching her in the throat and kicking her fallen body. After an eternity in which I died three times, she finally stopped and said cheerfully, “There. We’re done.”
And then she reached for the regular metal pik.
Whoa, Whoa, WHOA, sister. We had a deal! Water pik instead of regular pik, not in addition to.
In addition, she then had the gall to tell me I have the beginnings of gum disease, because a few spots in the back of my mouth seemed “swollen.” I wonder how that could have possibly happened. Any ideas?
To top it off, I had to wait an additional 25 minutes for the actual dentist to come over and poke in my mouth for 2 seconds while two bratty kids in the chair around the wall kept peeking over at me and pointing and whispering and laughing.
But I got the last laugh, because I didn’t have any cavities and Brat Girl had 5. HAHAHA.
[...] I had a bad feeling immediately. First, she took nearly 5 minutes to select the right cleaning tool. She’d pick one up, lightly touch one tooth with it and then return it to the tray, mumbling. She finally reached for the hated water pik and immediately sprayed a forceful jet of cold water over my face, chin and neck. She apologized, but I kind of started to plan her imaginary death after the FIFTH TIME. [...]
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