Pickles & Dimes

I just got out of a 5-hour meeting.

A meeting I didn’t expect to have to attend.

A meeting I assumed would last an hour.

A meeting that took away 5 working hours I could’ve spent on the RFP that is due Friday.

An RFP that still has 70 questions left to complete.

Seventy questions that have 5 sub-questions.

Sub-questions that demand samples.

Samples that require me to get cooperation from co-workers.

Co-workers who are in meetings.

Jason and I went out to eat last night at a place that has trivia. It rhymes with Ruffalo Rild Rings. Anyway, lately we’ve been crapping out on trivia categories and getting questions like: What time of day did Egyptian Emperor Kong declare war on Canada?

What?

Then there was a question about baseball and I’m like, “Finally, man. Here’s a category I can do something with.”

So during all the other impossible questions, we daydreamed about our ideal Jeopardy categories. Here’s mine:

Marlene Dietrich Movies
Baseball
Vikings Players That Have Been Jailed
SPAM®
The Works of W. Somerset Maugham
Movies Starring Michael Keaton
Cheese

How about you?

I got all girly last night and purchased a hair roller set at Target. I brought it home and decided to test it out right away. Needless to say, I will be returning it tonight for the following reasons:

1. All of the roller clips are missing
2. One roller itself is missing
3. The whole back of the plastic holder is cracked
4. Someone else’s hair is on the rollers

(barfs)

Lesson of the day: Dental hygienists cannot receive telekinetic messages while wearing scrub masks.

Yesterday at the dentist, the hygienist asked me if I would have a problem with her using a water-pik to clean my teeth instead of a normal pik. I’m thinking, Why would I have a problem? It’s WATER.”

No, my friends, it’s not water. It’s a unique device that paves a direct neuro pathway into your BRAIN. It hurts - muchly. And I’ve never had any issues at the dentist.

My feeble attempts to send her “ABORT! ABORT!” messages through my brainwaves failed.

When that didn’t work, I used a little body language to get my point across; namely, clenching my fists, breathing shallowly, involuntarily willing my eyes to water, and mentally punching her in the throat and kicking her fallen body. After an eternity in which I died three times, she finally stopped and said cheerfully, “There. We’re done.”

And then she reached for the regular metal pik.

Whoa, Whoa, WHOA, sister. We had a deal! Water pik instead of regular pik, not in addition to.

In addition, she then had the gall to tell me I have the beginnings of gum disease, because a few spots in the back of my mouth seemed “swollen.” I wonder how that could have possibly happened. Any ideas?

To top it off, I had to wait an additional 25 minutes for the actual dentist to come over and poke in my mouth for 2 seconds while two bratty kids in the chair around the wall kept peeking over at me and pointing and whispering and laughing.

But I got the last laugh, because I didn’t have any cavities and Brat Girl had 5. HAHAHA.