Pickles & Dimes

As for how the quitting is going; I’m doing pretty well. I have really cut down on the gum, which I am happy with, but Shauna has mixed feelings. She’s happy that I’m doing so well, she just thinks I should be chewing a little more gum. She’s probably right, I do get moody from time to time (ok, a little more often than that) but I’m doing all right. 

The first week I chewed 32 pieces of the gum. The second: 13. That’s right, 13 pieces. Damn, maybe I should be chewing more. Sunday I actually didn’t chew any. Not one piece. A quick look at the instructions again tells me that I should be chewing around 12 pieces a day (no more than 24) for the first 6 weeks. Maybe I wasn’t as addicted as I once thought.

You know what? I haven’t told you about “Monkey Ass.” That’s terrible of me, considering I mentioned it a number of times already. Monkey Ass is our little code word if one of us is getting too stressed from quitting. The initial thought behind it was since I’m quitting the nicotine and Shauna’s quitting the Dew, we’ll need a little time. Little breathers from each other. Now, it’s a good idea. The main reason is we didn’t want to kill each other. We didn’t even want to hurt each other. So, we came up with a way to let the other know that one of us was about to blow. The problem was, I always erupted before I got a chance to realize it and call a Monkey Ass. I’m trying, but sometimes it is just getting the best of me.  

I know I’ve said this before, but I really don’t miss the nicotine. My body will probably tell you differently, but I really don’t. I do miss the smoking though. I catch myself watching other people smoke now with a smile on my face, almost like I’m enjoying myself through them.

I’m getting close now, I can feel it.

Two weeks without a smoke. Cool. I can’t say it hasn’t been trying, it has. I probably would have written more last week but it got pretty crazy. Hence the fact that it has been a trying week. Haven’t you been listening?

Quick recap: Monday we get home from work to find out Dorothy (Shauna’s Grandmother) passed away. That was a tough, sad night. A bunch of phone calls and a bunch of arrangements later, we got through it. The funeral was set for Thursday. Tuesday night was to be more calls, getting the details down, when we got a call from my Mom. Now we find out my Grandmother died. Not one, but two of our Grandmothers passing in 24 hours time. Tuesday evening is time for dueling cell phones. More details for Thursday, more information on what happened to Grandma. The second funeral is set for Friday. Sounds like a fun time.  

I’m not going to go into detail on the two funerals. I will say this: they were both beautiful services, fitting for the women that they were for. A lot of tears were shed that day, but they were cleansing. It was wonderful to see just how close both families are, and how similar the two sides are. I wouldn’t have minded smoking, and I probably should have called a Monkey Ass or two, but, what do you do?

The days weren’t as bad as they could have been. With all that was going on, and seeing so many people, you kind of lost some of the stress, fear, and sadness. I guess that’s what family is for.

My next update will share more about how the quitting is going. I just want to leave this post as it is.

Well, I’ve officially made it a week. 7 whole days. I am really proud and happy that things are going as well as they are. Like I said, I am going to be able to do this.

The weekend went pretty well in relation to not smoking. Friday we made the long drive up to Shauna’s parents place (under 2 hours in traffic) with one piece of gum, and not missing the cigarette. I told Dan and Linda about me quitting, and they were really happy to hear that, even proud of me. That made me feel pretty good about my decision. I would say that Saturday had to be the toughest yet. For lunch we went to the Black Bear (or is it Bear Trap?) for lunch. Normally when I have a couple of beers and shoot pool, that’s when I really enjoyed smoking. I will admit, this was a good test for me, it was tough. I just wanted that cigarette while I was shooting pool and drinking a beer. They’ve just always seemed to go hand-in-hand for me. Saturday evening was tough too. We were at an outdoor wedding all night. Surprise, they had beer too. I just wanted to step away from the crowd and have a smoke like I always used to. 

That wasn’t too bad though, I had a couple of pieces of gum throughout the night, and I was OK. It was nice, my friend Matt even joined me for a piece. He was curious to the taste, and it turns out he hates it as much as I do. It was funny watching him squirm, and the expressions on his face while chewing it. Did I mention I called a couple of Monkey Asses throughout the weekend? Just trying to keep the peace.

The rest of the weekend went by rather uneventfully. I weighed myself this morning and have only gained one pound in the week I’ve quit. I’m pretty happy about that. It has been somewhat of a struggle not to eat everything in the apartment. Just have to keep watching myself, and what I do eat. I have been doing all right though.

Hey, it’s been a week now and not one cigarette. Not one. I am proud of myself.

I may have overreacted yesterday, maybe stretched the truth even. Actually everything is going just fine. I’m surprised that I feel as good as I do about this. It’s funny too, I thought I’d be chewing quite a few pieces of gum. The instructions said 12 pieces is about right, but not to go over 24. Alright, I can handle that.

Day 1: 7 pieces

Day 2: 5 pieces

Day 3: 4 pieces

Day 4: 4 pieces

At this rate I’ll be a non-smoker in a week and a half. The instructions gave a 2-month breakdown on how to wean yourself off the gum. Well, I’m already in the final stage. Like I said, I can’t get too cocky though. Nicotine has been a big part of my life for a long time. I know I still have some tough days ahead of me too. This weekend I have a wedding up in Alexandria. I know after dinner at the reception I’ll want one, maybe need one. But, that’s what the gum is for. Since the wedding is up in Alex, Shauna and I will be staying at her parents. I know I’ll need one up there too. Better not forget my gum.

Oh yeah, Wednesday I threw out my fallback pack of cigarettes. Not bad, now I have no choice but not to smoke. I like that. 

I still have yet to really want a cigarette, but the mood swings is part of the process I can deal without. If it keeps up, I’m a smoker again. Over the past few days, I’ll get angry or sad and depressed for no reason; it’s weird. Shauna likens it to PMS. That is a condition that I have given her a hard time for since I’ve known her. I have always thought the whole thing is an excuse for being moody, just a crock. If PMS is anything like this (and it’s probably worse, they have to deal with it once a month for the better part of their life) I now feel for women. Just don’t tell anyone I said that.

Yesterday was the worst as far as the mood swings go. I can’t really even call them “swings,” considering I’ve only been down. Yesterday it was so bad, as soon as Shauna got home I jumped on her for something stupid. It doesn’t matter what it is, I don’t even think I remember. I yelled for a while, and cried for a while. The funny thing is Shauna is the one person who really knows I’m quitting at this point, so she’s the only one that’s behind me. She’s really there for me. But I keep claiming that she isn’t. Don’t know why. I feel bad because I’m taking out all my crappy feelings on her. She’s a trooper. She told me this is temporary, which I believe, because I am feeling better this morning. I just hope she believes it too, and sticks it out. I’m a jackass when I want to be.

I don’t think I’ll be writing every day. Maybe for the first week to see how it goes. After that I just want to track my progress and pitfalls. I’ll let everyone know how the first weekend goes, and if I can get through the first week. I know you’re all concerned about how I do. Wait, who are you? Why are you reading this?